Mel and Kaz still hope for a wedding
When Mel Neil and Kaz McCulloch began planning their 20th anniversary celebrations, they were confident marriage equality legislation would allow them to marry.
And so the planning began, not for a commitment ceremony but a wedding ceremony on the 20th anniversary of their commitment ceremony in February 1997.
Not about to miss a party, the celebration went on – a second commitment ceremony because Australian law still does not allow them to marry.
The Neerim South couple are relaxed and open in talking about their gay relationship of more than 20 years.
Whether laws change or not, they have already been a part of the fight for legal recognition for superannuation, health insurance and co-ownership of property.
While they never felt the need to “validate” their relationship, they hope for young people that the laws do change.
“It’s not just about the couple, it’s also about parents having the chance to celebrate all of their children, celebrating their love with another person.
So after two commitment ceremonies, would Mel and Kaz even worry about a wedding “when, not if” the laws change.
“Absolutely,” Mel said, “any excuse for another party.”
When Mel and Kaz made a commitment to each other 20 years ago, The Age ran a double page spread on the couple, who at the time were living in Endeavour Hills.
The angle for the article was changing superannuation laws to allow same sex couples to be acknowledged for superannuation benefits.
“We were like the boring couple living in the burbs with two cats, just working and doing our grocery shopping.
“The article showed the (superannuation) laws shouldn’t discriminate,” Kaz said.
Mel and Kaz moved to Neerim South 18 years ago, first opening Piglets at the Junction café and later Piglets café at Neerim South.
Family brought them to the area with Mel’s parents at Nayook and Kaz’s parents in Traralgon.
They had learned quickly from that article in The Age that neighbours, staff at local shops and work colleagues did not judge them by their sexuality.
They were not so sure how a “country” community would react.
“You can get lost in the crowd in the city rather than being the weird one.
“When I was at school I was good at sport and had no problems connecting with people so everything else became secondary.
“By the time I was 18, I was living in a very comfortable gay community,” she said.
But country people did not discriminate either and the community embraced Mel and Kaz, which they believe was because they became so involved in the local community.
They sponsored and supported many local organisations, became involved in community groups and were advocates for local tourism.
“We were just us and never made a big deal of it, so neither did anyone else,” Kaz said.
When Mel was elected to Baw Baw Shire Council she said nobody seemed to care that she was gay … “and that’s what I want.”
They admit there are a lot of people who are never exposed to gay couples and families, so there was a degree of ignorance about gay relationships.
Such ignorance has equated to some interesting questions over the years, but their favourite is “so who takes out the rubbish?”
Mel, 46 and Kaz, 48 brag they were teenage sweethearts. Although, Kaz said it did take several years of Mel’s stalking friendship before she “came out.”
They say they have seen enormous changes in the “acceptance” of gay relationships within the community, particularly in schools where sexuality is openly discussed.
For Mel and Kaz, marriage equality laws are simply something the government “just needs to get on with and do it.”
“Other countries who have more conservative values and governments than us have ticked the box.
“Hopefully there will be a time when gender doesn’t matter, we are just a person,” Mel said.