Ya blew it, Kirk
It don’t do so, Kirk. When a storm pass, it pass. You fooled the others, Kirk, but you didn’t fool me.
Ya blew it. Kirk
Seriously, Kirk? You call yourself a tropical storm? You were pathetic. “Kirk is coming… Kirk is strengthening… Kirk is weakening… Kirk is back… Kirk is weakening again…”
In the end you arrived a day late and caused bare confusion. Your eye passed with barely a bluster. And then all the action was in the rear. Whole heap of rain and flooding. Patrick Bethell told my wife he had four inches in 12 hours. She wasn’t impressed. “I get that in five minutes”, she scoffed.
Do you realise what you exposed us to? After comedians like Joe Tudor, Trevor Eastmond, Mac Fingall, the Queen Archiebull Cox, you landed us a night of Ken Husbands and Dennis Johnson. Here’s a sample:
The watermelon joke (Ken has told this more than once!): A man had a watermelon patch. Someone was stealing them. So he put up a sign: “One watermelon is poisoned but only the farmer knows which one!” So the thief put up a sign: “Two watermelons are poisoned but only the thief knows which is the other one!” No one could eat any watermelons.
This sponsored the banana joke: A man had a lovely bunch of bananas. Someone stole them. He put out a report: “Those bananas are poisoned!” Nobody could eat the bananas.
And a next banana joke: A man had a bunch of bananas on a tree. He watched them day and night. Finally he yawned and closed his eyes. When he looked again, all he saw was sap dripping from the cutoff stem!
Which prompted a sheep joke: A woman’s sheep went missing. She asked a man if he had seen the sheep. For three days the man helped her look for the sheep. But all the while he had it home cooking.
Which caused Dennis Johnson to hit us with a big-head joke: Someone told him his big head was blocking their view. So he went to the doctor The doctor said: “Mr Johnson, your head is not big. The problem is your shoulders are too narrow!” (Ken Husbands laughed about ten minutes.)
Meanwhile Oliver Samuels called me from Jamaica: “Lowdown, what I’m ‘earing on VOB, is that you-all calls humour in Barbados?” And Learie Joseph chipped in from Trinidad: “Just one thing, Lowdown. How all-yuh does know when to laugh at a Bajan joke?”
I felt shame. But it didn’t end there. Next morning star girl Cassandra was down at Browne’s Beach. She expected to be describing rampaging roughness, like: “I don’t know if you can hear me over this, Shane! Thirty foot waves are pounding the shore. Two beached whales and a 20 foot octopus are duking it out on the beach. And, Ohmigod, the Stavronikita, (you remember that wreck?), well she’s surfaced and is sailing around Carlisle Bay bedecked in barnacles with her horn blaring!”
Instead she got talking to two fellows exercising in calm placid conditions. But later that night we had it rough. Electricity off, gale force winds howling, rain pouring and we trying to set up stand-by power with a tractor, clothes drenched, boots full of water.
It don’t do so, Kirk. When a storm pass, it pass. You fooled the others, Kirk, but you didn’t fool me. From the time I saw that you started out down low, (downlow?), kept veering South instead of the usual northwest trend, and all your action was in the rear, I knew what you were: our first transgender storm. Which was to be expected after that gay “pride” event.
But you’re lucky, Kirk, real lucky. For if our Prime Minister was around here instead of up in ‘Merica posing with Trudeau and Trump, she would’ve had a few words for you. And not a little few, either. That lady shoots from the hip, or rather the lip.
See how she wooed them at the UN? Boss performance. Of course we know all that grandstanding about “departing from the prepared script” was bare show. When did Mia Mottley ever need notes or a written speech?
And, wow, she’s looking hot in the new Versace raiments too! Right up there with our other style-plate ladies: Dame Cassandra, Dame Sandra and the offshoulder Queen (not you, Archiebull) Dame Maizie Barker-welch!