Con­fused by his no to my pro­posal

Daily Nation (Barbados) - - Puzzles - – A.H. – CHRIS­TINE

Dear Chris­tine, I HAVE DONE some­thing re­cently which has me won­der­ing if it was the wis­est thing to do; so I am ask­ing you to give me your hon­est opin­ion. I pro­posed to my boyfriend. You see, Chris­tine, I am a young woman who be­lieves in go­ing af­ter what I want. We had been dat­ing for two years and I felt that things be­tween us were get­ting re­ally se­ri­ous. We had both con­nected with each other’s fam­ily and we even talked about pos­si­bly mov­ing in to­gether.

It may seem odd for a woman to pro­pose, but the truth is, I was also the one who ini­ti­ated our re­la­tion­ship back in sec­ondary school. Let me say that I am 20 and he is the same age. We are both work­ing, with the hope of go­ing to univer­sity in two years’ time. I thought, why not get mar­ried be­fore we go off to univer­sity? Suf­fice it to say, he said he wasn’t go­ing to be “the one”.

Hurt by his re­jec­tion

I can­not un­der­stand why he re­jected me, and I don’t know what to do now. I thought I was mak­ing a sound de­ci­sion. I also can­not imag­ine why he doesn’t want to marry at this stage in life. Af­ter two years of go­ing steady I thought we had ev­ery­thing it took to end up mar­ry­ing each other. Part of me won­ders if he will change his mind. Does this seem like a hope­less case? Dear A.H., Yes, this seems like a hope­less case. I must state how­ever, that you are cer­tainly a bold, brave woman.

While you feel ready to make a life­time com­mit­ment, he ap­par­ently has not reached that stage of life. I know you’re dis­ap­pointed, but life doesn’t al­ways go the way we pre­dict it will. Some­times it turns out even bet­ter. So please don’t try to change your­self to ac­com­mo­date some­one who is emo­tion­ally un­avail­able.

It is bet­ter that you know now that he is not “the one”, rather than a cou­ple years down the road when you would have in­vested more time in the re­la­tion­ship.

Ac­cept the an­swer he has given and move on.

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