A let­ter to my fa­ther on his 9th death an­niver­sary

Business Bhutan - - Opinion -

Dear fa­ther, I have no idea what you are do­ing or where you are re­born. Nine long years have passed by since you left this world but I still of­ten find my­self miss­ing you badly here on Earth. 11th Septem­ber 2005 was the sad­dest day of my life. I had never thought that you would leave me so soon. You know we had a lot of dreams at hand yet to be ma­te­ri­al­ized. The kind of world we had imag­ined to live in af­ter I get a job was not too far from us, but what an un­timely tragedy be­fell us. Af­ter hav­ing gone through sev­eral hard­ships to­gether in life, it’s very sad that I had to let you go even be­fore I was able to pay you back for ev­ery­thing you did for me as a fa­ther, pro­tec­tor and teacher. I woke up at 5 o’clock this morn­ing to join you in spirit on this aus­pi­cious day of your 9th death an­niver­sary. I took leave from of­fice to ded­i­cate this day fully to you and be with you. I went to Dechen­phug Lhakhang to of­fer but­ter lamps and prayers for your eter­nal peace. I am sure you might have heard my prayers and wishes. I am sorry that’s the only thing your poor son can do now. As I ob­serve this day in si­lence, the pain of that fate­ful day seems to have come back to sur­face once again. I am very sorry, fa­ther, that I could not be there be­side you when you were fight­ing for life in Samtse hos­pi­tal. I am sorry that I could not an­swer you when you called out my name sev­eral times be­fore you went to coma. It’s my great­est re­gret that I could not even serve you a cup of hot water when you were in the hos­pi­tal. I was at­tend­ing the Na­tional Grad­u­ates Ori­en­ta­tion Pro­gram at that time and I and my wife had planned to see you just in a day or two. We had even bought some nice cloths for you but we could never see you wear them. I had badly wanted to see you but fi­nan­cial con­straints and other un­fa­vor­able cir­cum­stances did not let me leave Thim­phu to come down to see you on time. Now that your soul has be­come one with God, ev­ery­thing must be clear to you. Kindly ac­cept my sin­cere apolo­gies and prayers for any fail­ure on my part to ful­fill the du­ties of a son! Today, I feel lonely and sad with­out you in my fam­ily. I wish if you were still alive to play with your grand­chil­dren, tell them bed-time sto­ries as you used to tell me when I was a boy, and teach them good val­ues as you did to me be­fore. If you were still with us, I am sure you would be proud of your two grand­sons, Thuk­ten Subba and Rig­den Subba. Thuk­ten was born 9 months af­ter you left this world and Rig­den was born four years af­ter him. Thuk­ten now goes to school and stud­ies in grade II, while Rig­den is just 4-years-old. He too will go to school in 2 years’ time. I have also a daugh­ter whom we have adopted since she was barely 2 and they are all do­ing well. But it’s sad that none of them could ever get a chance to hold your hands, sit on your lap and lis­ten to your sto­ries or play with you like their other friends who still have their grand­fa­ther. A sin­gle pho­to­graph of yours given to us by my un­cle in Pasakha is the only thing we can show our kids to in­tro­duce you to them. I am sure they would have been very happy to be with you. Dad, I know that you waited pa­tiently for years for me to get a de­cent job so that we could live to­gether, but why God was so un­fair to call you away just when our dream was just at our doorstep. If you could have waited for just one more year, our life-long dream would have been ac­com­plished. We suf­fered equal hard­ships while liv­ing with un­cle in Samtse, and we of­ten cried to­gether shar­ing our ex­pe­ri­ences at the end of the day. I know I was your only con­so­la­tion dur­ing those days and the kind of life we had imag­ined for our­selves af­ter I get a job was a long-awaited dream but it’s sad that it could never come true. De­spite all the dif­fi­cult times we passed through, you had been my great teacher, pro­tec­tor and a lov­ing fa­ther. I have learned a great deal from you and I am al­ways grate­ful for your sac­ri­fices and com­pro­mises for me. You helped me shape my world and gave me strengths to stand on my own feet. I know you were my both fa­ther and mother be­cause af­ter my mother died when I was a child, I grew up solely at your hands. You guided me when­ever I tum­bled upon some prob­lems and you showed me the right path of life. You had been my main source of in­spi­ra­tion, courage and so­cial se­cu­rity. You taught me how to com­pete with oth­ers and you taught me why and how to ex­cel in stud­ies. I kept your words and I did fairly well in my stud­ies right from my pri­mary school up to the univer­sity level. You also taught me why not to eas­ily trust peo­ple, and how to value friend­ships. You have also taught me how to in­ter­pret dreams and many other things which I might have not been able to ex­plore my­self. So al­though you are dead and gone, fa­ther, the val­ues and knowl­edge you have given me still flow in my blood and I will try to pass them on to your grand­chil­dren too. We, as a fam­ily, are do­ing ev­ery­thing that could make you proud. Your rich lega­cies shall never die. I miss you so much, Dad, and I love you. May God re­unite us once again some­day on a new jour­ney!

Am­rith Bdr Subba

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