Beach Confidential

The endless, sun-kissed shores and samba-sculpted bodies of Rio are famed the world over, so shimmy on into your bot-baring bathers and hit the sands, but get the LUXE lowdown before you lie down...

Globally-renowned and immortalised in story and song, Copacabana Beach today sadly heaves with clueless tourists, flabby elderlies and faded strumpets; take a stroll down the promenade if only to cross it firmly off the list. The young n’ flawless flock to the 2km stretch of Ipanema Beach instead – that’s where you wanna be. Surfers (and pervy onlookers) gather at Arpoador, the cluster of rocks on the east end making up posto 7, and popular perch for the curious custom of applauding the sunset. Bossa nova enthusiasts and party peeps beeline to posto 9, where Tom and Vinicius clocked their ‘Girl from Ipanema’. Glimpse Rio’s gay scene on the sands in front of Rua Farme de Amoedo halfway between posto 8 and 9 – look for the barraca shacks flying rainbow flags, natch. Wherever you are, rent a chair or bring a sarong (ditch the towel or risk public humiliation), but be warned – single straight men simply do NOT ever lie down, instead strutting and frescoballing in all their Speedo-clad glory. Near posto 9, the Barraca do Uruguai / 7800 4715 / from 7am daily, sarnies from 1pm / is famed for juicy meat sandwiches brushed with chimichurri; pair with a near-lethal caipirinha and don your cachaça goggles, or preserve what’s left of your dignity with a ‘mate’ (iced tea) at civilised, hi-so Posto 10 instead. At the height of summer the beach is cheek-to-cheek rammed; if the big reveal proves too shameful, hire a driver (see V. Useful) for a day trip to the pristine sands of Barra de Guaratiba (60min from Ipanema), home to lush natural reserves plus the secluded Grumari and Prainha beaches, super for sunning bunny and baps in blissful solitude. Can’t bear to leave? Check into flirty flopspot Le Relais de Marambaia (see Accom.) for more R&R. Par-ahh-dise...