Date my hus­band

How writ­ing your part­ner’s dat­ing pro­file can be a re­ward­ing ex­pe­ri­ence for you both

Bayview Post - - Life - DR. JESS Jess O’Reilly is a sought-after speaker, au­thor and sex­ol­o­gist (www.SexWithDrJess.com).

In March of this year, the New York Times pub­lished a mov­ing piece, “You May Want to Marry My Hus­band.”

I read it on the plane and cried my way through the en­tire piece in which Amy Krouse Rosen­thal de­scribes her hus­band as though she’s writ­ing his dat­ing pro­file. The sum­mary: he’s a catch. If I wasn’t hap­pily mar­ried, I’d con­sider mar­ry­ing him.

You’ll prob­a­bly feel the same way once you read it. She was on her deathbed at the time and was still madly in love after 26 years.

She died 10 days after pub­li­ca­tion on March 13.

To say I was moved by the piece is an un­der­state­ment. I called my hus­band in tears, but I couldn’t speak. So in­stead, I used it as in­spi­ra­tion and wrote my hus­band’s dat­ing pro­file. I sent it to him in point form via text (be­cause I’m ro­man­tic like that), and he was also moved to tears.

Be­cause we were both so swayed by the ar­ti­cle and the ex­er­cise, I de­cided to use both in my re­treat the next day in Prague. After the first day of pro­gram­ming came to a close, I asked cou­ples to read Rosen­thal’s col­umn and then write a dat­ing pro­file for their part­ner as a re­minder of why they love them and to help reignite the pas­sion.

Each par­tic­i­pant (and even the two Czech trans­la­tors) strug­gled to con­tain their tears as they read the ar­ti­cle and made a list of their part­ner’s best qual­i­ties. When they were done, they re­ported feel­ing more present, grate­ful, in love and in­ti­mate with their part­ners.

I con­tinue to use this highly ef­fec­tive ac­tiv­ity with both sin­gles (pairs of f riends) and cou­ples across the globe and get teary eyed each time I in­tro­duce it. Con­sider try­ing it at home:

1. Read the ar­ti­cle (it will come up in any Google search).

2. Jot down notes for your part­ner’s dat­ing pro­file con­sid­er­ing the fol­low­ing ar­eas: per­son­al­ity, hob­bies, at­ti­tude, pro­fes­sion, dis­po­si­tion, ap­pear­ance, en­dear­ing idio­syn­cra­sies, habits, par­ent­ing style, com­mu­nity in­volve­ment, fam­ily role and any­thing else that makes your part­ner won­der­ful. Don’t get hung up on the lan­guage — just let the words flow.

3. Share with your part­ner and soak up the pos­i­tive af­fir­ma­tions.

Don Mills cou­ple Kelly and Sean tried this ex­er­cise last month and were pleas­antly sur prised by the re­sults.

“A f t er seven years to­gether, it was a pow­er­ful re­minder of how much we love each other and how we shouldn’t take one an­other for granted,” Kelly says. “Writ­ing it came very nat­u­rally, and I got but­ter­flies in my stom­ach. I was ex­cited, gushy and gig­gling.”

If you’re will­ing to give it a try and share your ex­pe­ri­ence, email us: info@sexwithdrjess.com.

Sean and Kelly wrote each other’s dat­ing pro­files last month

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