relationship satisfaction, you have to address the elephant in the room in a productive way. If you hurl accusations, make demands or frame yourself as a victim, you won’t get the result you seek.
Instead, talk about why you’ve stopped having sex and how you feel about it. Be honest about the role of life changes (e.g., kids, hormones, health, stress, grief) and look for solutions to the underlying issues. You may want to seek the support of a therapist or counsellor to guide you through these heavy conversations.
Be mindful of the fact that a range of interest in sex is healthy and normal. If you accuse your partner of having or being a “problem,” you’re looking to place blame — not to identify potential solutions.
It is possible to find middle ground if you’re both willing to listen. If your partner has lost interest in sex, you need to ensure they feel safe expressing why. Sometimes we lose interest in sex because it’s not exciting or satisfying. This can be a difficult subject to address, but it’s an essential conversation. You both need to know what the other likes and how adjustments to attitude, approach and repertoire might affect interest in sex.
In other cases, we lose interest in sex because of underlying resentment or exhaustion. You’ll need to work together to address these issues and make specific changes without the expectation of sex as a “reward.”
You’ll also want to consider whether you both want to rebuild your sex life. If it’s one-sided, you may be at an impasse. If you’re both open to rebuilding the sexual connection, it’s important to identify the desired outcomes.
While you’re working on underlying issues and engaging in meaningful conversation, schedule time for alternative forms of affection and connection. Sexless is not synonymous with loveless, so look for ways to connect emotionally and intimately so that when it’s time to connect sexually, you’re not starting from scratch.