AMy dickinson

Af­ter toss­ing the re­la­tion­ship, get rid of stuff

Calgary Sun - - LIFE - — Taken fOr granTed — un­haPPy hus­Band — feeL­Ing The LOve

I have been dat­ing my (prob­a­bly ex) girl­friend for more than 11 years.

Af­ter she had a run of fi­nan­cial prob­lems, I helped by stor­ing a lot of her fur­ni­ture and per­sonal prop­erty at my house. I helped a lit­tle bit with her bills, helped her move, took in a cou­ple of her cats — and many other things — be­cause I was her boyfriend and be­lieved I was be­ing a good per­son to help her.

I’ve done these things, even though when I need help, emo­tional sup­port, or some form of thank you, I never re­ceive any­thing. For in­stance, I got a two-word text mes­sage for my birth­day.

Now she is start­ing to ghost me af­ter I asked for some of my money back.

How long should I hold on to her things be­fore I call a thrift store and have it hauled off? askamy@amy­dick­in­

This year marks my 25th wed­ding an­niver­sary with my wife.

Our mar­riage has been quite tu­mul­tuous, and we have come close to end­ing it, but we have stayed to­gether “for the sake of the kids.”

I’ve kept our mar­riage go­ing (which has been a re­gret) for most of the last 20 years. My wife has put up this fa­cade of hap­pi­ness for many years and my two chil­dren (17 and 20) know ex­actly what is hap­pen­ing at this point.

I threw my wife a sur­prise 40th birth­day party and have al­ways re­mem­bered her on hol­i­days — even if we were fight­ing at the time. How­ever, when­ever I at­tempt to make plans to cel­e­brate these spe­cial oc­ca­sions (in­clud­ing plan­ning a trip to Europe for this an­niver­sary), my wife finds an ex­cuse not to par­tic­i­pate.

Should I treat this an­niver­sary like any other and buy my wife a piece of jew­ellery, or should I cor­ner her and in­sist that she do some­thing spe­cial?

I was shocked and sad­dened by “Feel­ing the Creepi­ness,” who was creeped-out by her neigh­bour vis­it­ing the elderly and in­firm. I vol­un­teer for a hos­pice. My pa­tients are in as­sisted liv­ing and I spend at least an hour ev­ery week vis­it­ing them.

These are not creepy, old peo­ple. They are par­ents, col­lege pro­fes­sors, doc­tors, homemak­ers, busi­ness peo­ple, crafts­men and labour­ers, pi­o­neers in space ex­plo­ration and com­puter en­gi­neer­ing. They are peo­ple with fas­ci­nat­ing sto­ries to tell and deep hunger for con­nec­tion with other hu­mans. I sug­gest “Creepi­ness” reach out by ac­com­pa­ny­ing her neigh­bour on her vis­its. I guar­an­tee she will find some won­der­ful peo­ple there.

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