Re­ject this be­hav­iour

Calgary Sun - - LIFE - — trav­eL­Ling sOLO

I met my boyfriend (on­line) a year ago. I lived in an­other state, was in­de­pen­dent and had a de­cent job, but strug­gled fi­nan­cially.

I have no fam­ily left. When my guy and I talked, it was elec­tric! This man of­fered me so much. Af­ter only a few months, he asked me to move to his state. He said he would take care of me. He is seven years older than me (I’m no spring chicken). We dis­cussed this at great length. I didn’t want to move and be stuck with some crazy lu­natic.

Af­ter be­ing here for a short time, our sex life went down­hill. We now sleep in sep­a­rate rooms. He has taken care of me fi­nan­cially (like he said he would). He has five cor­gis that I have fallen in love with, but I now feel like I am be­ing used.

He has gone on sev­eral “work” trips, and I have kept his dogs. He is now plan­ning a

Rad­i­cal be­hav­iours due to re­jec­tion seem to be hap­pen­ing with in­creased fre­quency.

Per­haps this has evolved from the in­cred­i­ble pres­sure of dat­ing in this day and age.

With dat­ing apps on your phone pro­vid­ing you an ever present bevy of op­tions at your fin­ger­tips, fos­ter­ing a cul­ture of un­will­ing­ness to ‘set­tle,’ it’s easy to move on when the next best thing could be one swipe away.

This usu­ally re­sults in ‘ghost­ing’, the de­spi­ca­ble and de­mean­ing way of sim­ply ig­nor­ing some­one with nary an ex­pla­na­tion when de­cid­ing that we no longer wish to con­tinue dat­ing some­one.

Re­jec­tion, par­tic­u­larly of this kind, it ig­nites feel­ings of con­fu­sion and hurt, and usu­ally fol­lows with de­mands of ex­pla­na­tion, which seem to in­crease with fre­quency the longer they re­main ig­nored.

There are as many males as fe­males that get too emo­tional, leave one or 27 too many mes­sages de­mand­ing an­swers as to why you didn’t choose them.

Re­ally though, can you blame any gen­der for get­ting fed up with this dat­ing cul­ture we have cre­ated for our­selves? three-week trip, say­ing that it’s “work,” but signs (and my gut) say oth­er­wise!

The prob­lem is that I am broke and de­pen­dent on him. I feel I am be­ing used as a house­keeper, cook, and dog watcher — pe­riod.

I am at a loss. I’m so scared to start over. I have health is­sues that pre­vent me from do­ing the type of job I’m used to.

If I catch him in this lie (my friend sug­gested a GPS tracker), do I have grounds to some­thing more se­ri­ous, like crim­i­nal ha­rass­ment?

‘Re­peated com­mu­ni­ca­tion’ is a some­what grey area to de­fine, as sev­eral voice­mails, Face­book mes­sages and texts within a short pe­riod of time can be con­sid­ered nor­mal for some cou­ples, es­pe­cially if they rely on this type of com­mu­ni­ca­tion due to dis­tance.

But what if the com­mu­ni­ca­tion is one sided, un­so­licited, or is mak­ing you feel un­safe?

To an­swer that, I spoke with Const. Jon Ed­wards of the CPS, who took the time to shed some light on Sec­tion 264 of the crim­i­nal code for me. Ac­cord­ing to Const. Ed­wards, the first thing the po­lice will ask is “Have you asked them to stop com­mu­ni­ca­tion with you? They need to know that their ad­vances are un­wanted.”

If you have made your in­ten­tion clear and con­tinue to be con­tacted by some­one, whether through phone, email, so­cial me­dia, by phys­i­cal pres­ence, or if you are feel­ing un­safe, Const. Ed­wards en­cour­ages you to con­tact the po­lice, and they will pro­vide you with in­for­ma­tion re­gard­ing your sit­u­a­tion.

A friend with whom I’ve oc­ca­sion­ally trav­elled re­cently re­tired from a ma­jor air­line.He has great travel ben­e­fits. Now that he is re­tired, he has time on his hands, and ex­pects me to drop what I’m do­ing and take off with him, but I still work full time.

My friend is not fi­nan­cially well-off, while I am com­fort­able.

The real rea­son this friend is so keen to have me as a travel part­ner is that in the past I’ve paid for ho­tels as a way of say­ing “thank you” for the free or re­duced-cost air­fare.

Not only do I not have the time, but I don’t en­joy trav­el­ling with him be­cause he is self­ish and ex­pects me to do what he wants and not what I have an in­ter­est in.

I told him I won’t be trav­el­ling with him be­cause I pre­fer to travel solo, and now he isn’t talk­ing to me. This hurts — af­ter more than three decades of (sup­posed) friend­ship. What now?

Ab­DuL ma­jEEDabDuL/Getty Im­aGes

A Pak­istani crafts­men pre­pares a truck body be­fore ap­ply­ing colour­ful dec­o­ra­tions onto a goods truck at a work­shop in Pe­shawar on Thurs­day.

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