BODY BLOW

It’s especially difficult to get back to your old self when, every time you undress, you’re faced with a physical reminder of what you’ve been through. Sue Roberts, breast-health nurse coordinator at IWK Health Centre in Halifax, says even when health-care professionals explain what a woman’s body will look like, or a patient views postmastectomy photos on the Internet, looking down to find her breasts gone can provoke a new wave of grief that lasts months. “A breast is much more than a body part; it’s how we identify as a woman, a source of physical pleasure, how we nourish children. The scar that’s left behind after a mastectomy is a constant reminder that you’ve had breast cancer,” she says.

Less invasive treatments can also leave their mark. After a lumpectomy, one breast may be smaller than the other, and the dimpled scar can look like a crater. Removing lymph nodes can cause lymphedema, or long-term swelling, particularly in the breasts, arms and hands. Chemo can cause weight gain and, of course, hair loss; when your hair grows back, it might be different, for example, newly grey or curly instead of straight. Some chemo drugs can, in rare cases, cause hyperpigmentation, an uneven darkening of the skin or muscosal membranes (like the tongue), especially in women of colour. These dark patches can take months to fade and can occur anywhere on the body—for some women, the reminder is right there on their faces.

Seven years after finishing treatment, Verna says she still feels self-conscious about how her body has changed. In addition to her scars, she has lymphedema in her upper arms. “I want to minimize the fact that things happened under this clothing,” she says. “There are scars. There are war wounds. I would be lying if I said I didn’t shed tears more than once.” She does try to keep perspective, though: “You still want to feel sexy, but your hair is thinner, your eyebrows are thinner, your eyelashes are barely there anymore. But it’s a trade-off, and I wouldn’t change anything.”