Woman wants brother to di­vorce abu­sive wife

Cape Breton Post - - FOOD FOCUS -

ear An­nie: My brother is smart, nice and a good per­son. The prob­lem is, he mar­ried the worst pos­si­ble hu­man be­ing. The ver­bal abuse started eight years ago and she be­gan hit­ting him within the last three.

My sis­ter-in-law has hit my brother with a ham­mer, a weight bar and any ob­ject in arm’s reach. She has also cut him with a knife. She calls him the worst, most de­mean­ing names she can think of. She also iso­lates him from our fam­ily.

Two weeks ago, my brother left her for a few days and told me about the abuse. But af­ter she phoned and texted re­peat­edly, he caved and went back to her. Since then, my sis­ter-in-law has been kiss­ing up to my mother and bash­ing me with nasty gos­sip. We are both sick of her and want her out of the fam­ily. She is poi­son. But we worry that if we say any­thing, my brother will stop talk­ing to us. What can we do? — Wor­ried Sis­ter

Dear Wor­ried: Men can be abused, too. Your sis­ter-in-law is an abuser and your brother may need help to get out of this de­struc­tive re­la­tion­ship. Most state do­mes­tic vi­o­lence agen­cies now han­dle abused men, as well as women. Also, give your brother the num­ber of the Do­mes­tic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women, which is 1-888-7-

DHELPLINE (1888-743-5754), and urge him to call be­fore his wife does per­ma­nent dam­age.

Dear An­nie: My fa­ther died of a heart at­tack two years ago. He had al­ways told us, “Ev­ery­thing is taken care of,” and he was some­one who never left out any de­tail.

When we tried to find out about his burial plans, we learned he had never made any. I also dis­cov­ered that his brother, who died three months be­fore, had done the same thing, telling my cousins, “Ev­ery­thing is ar­ranged. Just go to the fu­neral home.” Af­ter he died, his chil­dren were asked how they in­tended to pay for the fu­neral. And their fa­ther was a man who sold life in­sur­ance!

Th­ese were two very as­tute busi­ness­men who left their fam­i­lies in a great deal of grief and shock. Please ask your read­ers to make sure their loved ones have all their af­fairs in or­der. Have them dis­cuss and write down their wish- es for the fu­neral, and if the ar­range­ments have been paid for, make sure you have a re­ceipt. When you’re deal­ing with the death of a loved one, you don’t need an ex­pen­sive sur­prise on top of your grief.

Our fu­neral di­rec­tor told us this hap­pens more than any­one re­al­izes. I don’t want any­one else to go through what we did. — Emo­tion­ally and Fi­nan­cially Drained

Dear Drained: Thank you for tak­ing the time to alert our read­ers. Peo­ple are of­ten re­luc­tant to dis­cuss end-of-life is­sues, but it is im­por­tant and nec­es­sary to do so. In times of grief, sur­vivors can be­come over­whelmed and un­able to make th­ese de­ci­sions in a ra­tio­nal way. Please, folks, write down what you want and in­form your loved ones to­day. You’ll sleep bet­ter.

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