Man smit­ten with fe­male on­line gam­ing part­ner

Cape Breton Post - - LIFESTYLES -

Dear An­nie: I’ve been mar­ried for 29 years to a man I adore. We have had our ups and downs, but have weath­ered the storms be­cause we both be­lieve we are meant to be to­gether. But we have a prob­lem I don’t know how to solve.

“Joe” plays an on­line role-play­ing game that I have never been comfortable with. And he al­ways gets in­volved with some­one on­line, and it is al­ways a woman. They can’t ad­vance in their game un­less they work to­gether.

Sev­eral years ago, Joe be­came emo­tion­ally at­tached to an­other woman and left me for a while. When he came back, I thought those things were be­hind us, but I keep dis­cov­er­ing lies. I know he meets up with this woman on­line ev­ery day while I am at work. My kids can hear the sound of her voice. My son was so up­set, he wanted to move out of the house.

This tor­ments me so much that I can barely func­tion at work. I love my job, but I cry in the bath­room, and peo­ple are start­ing to ask ques­tions. I have fi­nally re­al­ized that Joe is go­ing to do this type of thing for­ever, and it breaks my heart. Joe treats me beau­ti­fully when we are to­gether, but I don’t want to share him with other women.

I have asked his fam­ily for help, but they say Joe has a right to his re­lax­ation and it shouldn’t bother me. I am plan­ning to start coun­selling be­fore I have a ner­vous break­down. I don’t want to lose this man, but I have to save my­self. Don’t you think th­ese women should con­sider the time they are spending on­line with some­one who is mar­ried? Is there any hope for me? — Cry­ing Ev­ery Day

Dear Cry­ing: Don’t blame “th­ese women” for Joe’s be­hav­iour. The world of on­line gam­ing has plenty of men he could team up with, but he ob­vi­ously makes the ef­fort to find fe­males. Joe’s his­tory in­di­cates he be­comes at­tached to his on­line friends, which is un­healthy for your mar­riage. If he can­not see (or doesn’t care about) the dam­age he is caus­ing, things don’t look good. We are glad you will be get­ting coun­selling. It will help.

Dear An­nie: My hus­band and I have five chil­dren to­gether, and he has an older child from a pre­vi­ous re­la­tion­ship.

My ques­tion is about the first­born of our five chil­dren. Our son passed away at the age of nine months, but we still con­sider him part of our lives in so many ways. When asked how many chil­dren we have, what is the proper re­sponse? We don’t want to leave out our first­born, but we also don’t want to give the wrong im­pres­sion. — Elkhart, Ind.

Dear Elkhart: The an­swer is up to you and de­pends on how much per­sonal in­for­ma­tion you wish to di­vulge. If you pre­fer, it is OK to say you have six chil­dren. You are not ob­li­gated to give any­one the de­tails. How­ever, if you are will­ing to talk about your first­born to those who ask this ques­tion, it might be com­fort­ing for you to say you have six chil­dren, but one died as an in­fant.

Dear An­nie: I’d like to re­spond to “At a Loss,” the 16-year-old who wets the bed.

I wet the bed un­til I was 17. So did my sis­ter, my grand­son and my nephew. Some­where down the line, we in­her­ited this from a rel­a­tive. For me, it was my fa­ther.

The good news? We all out­grew it by the time we were in our 20s. I rec­om­mend she get some adult di­a­pers from a med­i­cal sup­ply store and just put them in the trash in the morn­ing. They worked won­der­fully for my grand­son. I wish her luck and hope it’s al­most over with. — Mem

Dear Mem: A cer­tain per­cent­age of bed­wet­ters out­grow it even­tu­ally. We’re glad that worked for you.

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