Woman sus­pi­cious of fi­ance’s re­la­tion­ship with mar­ried friend

Cape Breton Post - - LIFESTYLES -

ear An­nie: I have been en­gaged to “Phil” for two years, but we’ve been dat­ing for nine.

I ac­ci­den­tally in­ter­cepted a text mes­sage from a woman that said, “ Miss you.” Need­less to say, this sparked my cu­rios­ity. I kept an eye on the phone bill and no­ticed that this same num­ber showed up sev­eral times. When I fi­nally got the nerve to ask about it, Phil said a mar­ried woman was pur­su­ing him. He con­sid­ered her a friend and told her it would never go fur­ther.

I be­lieved him, but asked him to stop con­tact­ing her. He agreed, but then I saw that he was still call­ing and tex­ting her. I also hap­pen to know he has asked her to lunch a few times.

Phil rarely works late and never goes any­where without me. This is cre­at­ing a huge strain on our re­la­tion­ship. Please tell me — am I naive or just stupid? — Fool for a Fairy Tale

Dear Fool: Nei­ther. You are in love with some­one who is not be­hav­ing in a trust­wor­thy man­ner and you know it, but you’re hop­ing for a less dam­ag­ing ex­pla­na­tion. We wish we could pro­vide it. In­sist on pre­mar­i­tal coun­selling be­fore you take an­other step with this man.

Dear An­nie: Re­cently, two teens in my city com­mit­ted sui­cide. They were gifted stu­dents who got along well with oth­ers. Their fam­i­lies and friends were shocked.

When we have a phys­i­cal prob­lem, we do not hes­i­tate to seek out a doc­tor and even dis­cuss it with oth­ers. Un­for­tu­nately, this of­ten is not the case with men­tal health is­sues. We all have times when we have feel­ings of hope­less­ness, bouts of de­pres­sion, grief over a loss, dis­ap­point­ment with our­selves or oth­ers, and anx­i­ety or stress that af­fects our abil­ity to func­tion.

Young peo­ple ma­ture phys­i­cally be­fore they do so emo­tion­ally. The six-foot 17-year-old may act like he has it all fig­ured out, but he is still only learn­ing. Our so­ci­ety pays a high price for ig­nor­ing men­tal ill­ness — the stu­dent who goes on a ram­page and kills oth­ers at school, the

Dtal­ented young per­son who commits sui­cide, the kid who turns to drugs or al­co­hol.

Many of th­ese is­sues first show up in ado­les­cence. We should have an an­nual men­tal health screen­ing for stu­dents, along with classes in learn­ing how to ef­fec­tively cope with everyday life sit­u­a­tions. Some men­tal health prob­lems have a phys­i­cal com­po­nent, such as a metabolic dis­or­der, so stu­dents should be checked for this also.

Chil­dren are our na­tion’s great­est as­sets and we should not short­change them by overem­pha­siz­ing ca­reer goals and high grades, while ig­nor­ing their emo­tional and men­tal well-be­ing. — Con­cerned Par­ent

Dear Par­ent: We com­pletely agree. Un­for­tu­nately, eco­nomics dic­tates where schools spend their money, and there doesn’t seem to be enough to go around. This is why par­ents must be vig­i­lant — and will­ing to dis­cuss th­ese things with their chil­dren.

Dear An­nie: “ The Bad Guy” said her hus­band’s drunk friend spends the night at their house three or four times a week. You told her to tell him that was too much and if it didn’t stop, she should get a ho­tel room.

This is her home, too. Per­haps her gen­er­ous hus­band should pay for his friend to stay at a ho­tel. I doubt he’d visit as of­ten. Why should the wife be forced to ex­pe­ri­ence dis­lodge­ment and fi­nan­cial ex­pense? — Fargo, N.D.

Dear Fargo: Be­cause you can’t make other peo­ple do what you want them to do. She can only con­trol her own ac­tions, not her hus­band’s or his friend’s. (But she can cer­tainly send him the bill.) TORONTO — Air­line pas­sen­gers with pet al­ler­gies should not be forced to share cabin space with dogs and cats, says an ed­i­to­rial pub­lished Tues­day in the Cana­dian Med­i­cal As­so­ci­a­tion Jour­nal.

Last sum­mer, Air Canada changed its pol­icy to al­low cats and small dogs to travel in the cabin, align­ing it­self with a WestJet pol­icy.

“Sur­veys have shown that there’s wide­spread pub­lic sup­port for keep­ing pets off air­planes, in the cabins, and for those rea­sons we feel strongly that this is a pub­lic health is­sue that re­ally needs to be ad­dressed thought­fully,” said Dr. Matthew Stan­brook, a respirol­o­gist who co-wrote the ed­i­to­rial.

“Given the im­por­tance of air travel for Cana­di­ans and those who travel through Cana­dian airspace, we think that Air Canada needs to re­think its de­ci­sion or be made to do so by gov­ern­ment agen­cies.”

The Cana­dian Trans­porta­tion Agency has re­ceived sev­eral com­plaints about the furry four-legged trav­ellers. Alexan­dre Robert­son, a se­nior com­mu­ni­ca­tions ad­viser, said three com­plaints in­volve Air Canada, and a fourth per­tains to both Air Canada and WestJet.

“Mem­bers of the agency are ex­am­in­ing those com­plaints, and we’ll is­sue de­ci­sions re­quired,” he said.

The CMAJ ed­i­to­rial ar­gues that if the agency doesn’t rule in favour of the pas­sen­gers, then the House of Com­mons stand­ing

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