Par­ents con­cerned about daugh­ter’s weight gain

Cape Breton Post - - LIFESTYLES -

Dear An­nie: My hus­band and I need some ad­vice on how to ap­proach a sticky sit­u­a­tion con­cern­ing our daugh­ter.

In the past sev­eral years, “ Tri­cia,” has gained a tremendous amount of weight. We are gen­uinely con­cerned for her health, both phys­i­cal and men­tal. We don’t know how to ap­proach the sub­ject without alien­at­ing her and caus­ing re­sent­ment.

Tri­cia is mar­ried, with a loving hus­band and two pre­cious chil­dren. But we worry that if the weight sit­u­a­tion con­tin­ues, they may not have her around in a few years. How do we ad­dress this in a kind, non­judg­men­tal man­ner? Any guid­ance will be ap­pre­ci­ated. — Con­cerned Par­ents

Dear Par­ents: We know it will be dif­fi­cult to watch your daugh­ter con­tinue to gain weight, but be­lieve us when we say noth­ing you tell her will make an ounce of dif­fer­ence. She knows she is over­weight and that proper diet and ex­er­cise will help. She isn’t ready. The best thing you can do is tell her you love her and that she is a won­der­ful per­son and you will al­ways be there for her. Talk to your sonin-law about cre­at­ing a healthy en­vi­ron­ment for the en­tire fam­ily — he may need to help more with the gro­cery shop­ping and meal prepa­ra­tion. Chil­dren eas­ily pick up their par­ents’ habits — good and bad. Oth­er­wise, we urge you to stay out of it. This is truly a do-ity­our­self project.

Dear An­nie: I am bi­sex­ual. I am not go­ing through a phase or try­ing to make up my mind. I am sim­ply at­tracted to both males and fe­males.

Every­one seems to have a prob­lem with this. My best friend (who is gay) in­sists I must be straight. My mother tells me it’s OK that I am gay. “Bi­pho­bia” runs ram­pant even with peo­ple who are sup­port­ive of ho­mo­sex­u­al­ity.

My sex­ual ori­en­ta­tion is no one’s busi­ness but my own. I do not bring up the sub­ject with strangers or ac­quain­tances who have no need to know. But close friends and rel­a­tives will even­tu­ally in­ter­act with whomever I choose to date, and I’d rather not have them think I’ve “made up my mind” ev­ery time I date one sex or the other.

How can I make peo­ple un­der­stand and re­spect my sex­u­al­ity? — Not Con­fused

Dear Con­fused: You don’t have to ex­plain your sex­ual ori­en­ta­tion, nor do you need to de­fend your­self. Bi­sex­u­al­ity can be a dif­fi­cult con­cept for some peo­ple to grasp, and the only way to make them un­der­stand is sim­ply to live your life, let­ting them see for them­selves how you choose your part­ners. In time, they will fig­ure it out. There’s no need to ag­gra­vate your­self try­ing to do it for them. Dear An­nie: I feel com­pelled to re­spond to “K.R.,” the wed­ding pho­tog­ra­pher who ad­vises brides, es­pe­cially those who are wellen­dowed, to steer clear of strap­less gowns.

Ev­ery body type is dif­fer­ent, but it doesn’t mean a large-busted woman can­not wear a strap­less gown on the big­gest day of her life. I was a size 18 when I mar­ried my true love and proudly and con­fi­dently wore a beau­ti­ful strap­less gown. It all comes down to the fit. My dress was tai­lored beau­ti­fully, and I wore the cor­rect corset to sup­port my cleav­age.

I agree that if you are not comfortable in a dress, it will come across in the pic­tures. So, ladies, choose a style that best flat­ters your shape and makes you feel spe­cial. As for that poor pho­tog­ra­pher hav­ing to Pho­to­shop dim­ples, creases, stretch marks and unattrac­tive cleav­age, I think he is in need of a ca­reer change if it pains him so much to take a pic­ture. — Strap­less, Con­fi­dent Bride in Con­necti­cut

Dear Strap­less: You have es­sen­tially made the same point — that women need to be care­ful when wear­ing strap­less dresses. And we don’t be­lieve the pho­tog­ra­pher was com­plain­ing about the job, only warn­ing that if he has to spend that much time get­ting rid of unattrac­tive things in the pho­to­graphs, it means you were show­ing all those things at the ac­tual event.

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