Snoop­ing mom dis­cov­ers son is sex­u­ally ac­tive

Cape Breton Post - - SPORTS -

Dear An­nie: My son is 19 and a fresh­man in col­lege. His girl­friend is 17 and a ju­nior in high school. They have been dat­ing for al­most two years and their re­la­tion­ship has been very phys­i­cal from the beginning. Due to dili­gent ob­ser­va­tion and mi­nor snoop­ing, my hus­band and I are con­vinced they are sex­u­ally ac­tive.

We have talked many times to our son about per­sonal re­spon­si­bil­ity and strongly en­cour­aged him to wait to have sex. We care about his girl­friend and are ter­ri­bly con­cerned about her get­ting preg­nant at this young age. My ques­tion is, should we at­tempt any kind of com­mu­ni­ca­tion about this with the girl or her par­ents, or just MYOB? — Try­ing To Be Help­ful

Dear Try­ing: If you are wor­ried about an un­wanted preg­nancy or a sex­u­ally trans­mit­ted dis­ease, the per­son to talk to is your son. Tell him you are aware that he and his girl­friend are prob­a­bly sex­u­ally ac­tive. Ask whether he is us­ing pro­tec­tion ev­ery sin­gle time. He should not leave it up to her. He is an adult now and needs to un­der­stand that the de­ci­sions he makes have an im­pact on oth­ers. We hope you have an open enough re­la­tion­ship to dis­cuss this frankly and hon­estly.

Dear An­nie: I’m 49. My par­ents di­vorced when I was a teenager. My mother’s fam­ily was not sup­port­ive and for sev­eral years had no con­tact with her. I wrote let­ters to my aunts and un­cles, say­ing how petty and vile they were to os­tra­cize their own sis­ter in her time of need. My fa­ther en­gaged in nasty ac­tions of his own to hurt us. He also be­came es­tranged from his younger brother, and as a re­sult, I lost con­tact with those cousins.

Over time, my mother gained back the sup­port of her fam­ily, but I knew my re­la­tion­ship with them had been ir­repara­bly harmed. My re­lat ion­ship with my fa­ther took more than two decades to heal. All this drama taught me that I couldn’t count on my fam­ily to of­fer sup­port when it was needed.

Re­cently, I came across in­for­ma­tion that ex­plained a lot. A year be­fore the di­vorce, my mother had an af­fair with my fa­ther’s younger brother. Now I have a lot of pentup anger to­ward my mother. Her selfish ac­tions hurt a lot of peo­ple. But I feel I need to apol­o­gize to my aunts and un­cles for the ter­ri­ble things I said to them so long ago.

I re­al­ize I’m never go­ing to have the kind of re­la­tion­ship I want with them, even if I do apol­o­gize. How can I atone and get past the hurt and anger? — Florida

Dear Florida: You are be­ing aw­fully hard on your­self. You were a teenager and pro­tec­tive of your mother. It’s likely your rel­a­tives as­sumed you didn’t want a re­la­tion­ship. They could be quite will­ing to start over. But first you must for­give every­one in­volved, in­clud­ing both of your par­ents, as well as your­self. If you con­tinue to hold on to your anger, you will keep looking for some­one to blame. Coun­selling can help nudge you in the right di­rec­tion if you are un­able to get there on your own.

Dear An­nie: The way “Ner­vous in Vir­ginia” de­scribed her hus­band’s driv­ing sounds ex­actly like an adult driver af­fected by ADD.

Af­ter 42 years of liv­ing with an un­di­ag­nosed At­ten­tion Deficit Dis­or­der, my hus­band be­gan tak- ing pre­scribed med­i­ca­tion. To our amaze­ment, the most ob­vi­ous dif­fer­ence was his as­ton­ish­ingly im­proved driv­ing.

Per­haps ADD may be the cause of this man’s reck­less and dis­tracted driv­ing. — En­joy­ing the Ride Now

Dear En­joy­ing: Maybe, al­though it doesn’t ex­plain his ex­tremely in­con­sid­er­ate re­ac­tion to his wife’s dis­tress. But we hope she’ll look into it.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Canada

© PressReader. All rights reserved.