Daugh­ter turns into di­ap­point­ment

Cape Breton Post - - IN MEMORIAM - Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar An­nie's Mail­box is writ­ten by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, long­time ed­i­tors of the Ann Lan­ders col­umn. Please email your ques­tions to an­nies­mail­box@ cre­ators. com, or write to: An­nie's Mail­box, c/ o Cre­ators Syn­di­cate, 7

Dear An­nie: I have a prob­lem with my old­est daugh­ter. She has al­ways been a self­ish child. For years, we did not get along, and many times, we stopped speak­ing.

She popped back into my life last Oc­to­ber through a Face­book chat. She was sep­a­rated from her hus­band and had left her teenage chil­dren. She blamed ev­ery­thing on him and I be­lieved her.

She vis­ited me one day and asked to bor­row my mother's ring, but I said no. I al­ways wore it. Mind you, it's not worth any money. It only has sen­ti­men­tal value. But when she dropped by another night and asked, I said OK. She promised to give it back. Af­ter a few weeks went by, I asked her to re­turn it and she claimed I had given it to her to keep. I cor­rected her and said I only let her bor­row it.

She has since blocked me from her phone and Face­book page. Her hus­band has in­formed me that she is see­ing a man at her job who is 20 years younger, and that she has started par­ty­ing, drink­ing and pos­si­bly us­ing drugs. He says he barely knows her any­more. I asked her hus­band to tell her that I want my mother's ring back, but she re­fused his re­quest as well. I am heart­bro­ken. What can I do? - - Hurt Mom

Dear Mom: Not too much. You vol­un­tar­ily gave her the ring, which makes it her word against yours that it was only in­tended to be tem­po­rary. You could threaten her with le­gal ac­tion, but ac­tu­ally do­ing so would cost both of you and might make the re­la­tion­ship ir­repara­ble (although we know some read­ers would think that's a pos­i­tive out­come).

Some chil­dren don't turn out the way we hope, no mat­ter how much we love them. Your daugh­ter sounds like an ir­re­spon­si­ble, self­ish per­son. You may need to con­sider Grandma's ring to be her in­her­i­tance, and for your own peace of mind, please try to for­give her.

Dear An­nie: I read the let­ter from "Had Enough," the 68year- old woman who was tired of her hus­band's de­mand for sex. She asked how other se­niors han­dled this.

My hus­band also had a ro­bust sex drive. I lost in­ter­est af­ter menopause, but for his sake, pre­tended all was well. When his pro­gress­ing Parkin­son's dis­ease made it dif­fi­cult for him to com­plete the act, I let him know that I had no in­ter­est, but I did agree to have sex once a week. I dreaded it, as it be­came a real chore, but I kept my bar­gain un­til he died.

I did this be­cause I un­der- stood how great his need was, I loved him and he loved me, and he was a con­sid­er­ate sex part­ner who was al­ways faith­ful. I came to un­der­stand that sex for him was a se­cu­rity blan­ket. I am glad I made the ef­fort, be­cause I would not want to be liv­ing with re­grets now that he is gone.

P. S. The night be­fore he died, his last words to me were, "I love you and I want to have more sex." -- Been There in Florida

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