Worth the search, for help with ED

Cape Breton Post - - Obituaries | Advice | Games - El­lie Tesher Ad­vice

Q

: My hus­band’s suf­fered from erec­tile dys­func­tion (ED) since we met in his early 20’s.

We’re 30 now, fi­nally seek­ing whether there’s an un­der­ly­ing cause.

It’s frus­trat­ing when doc­tors im­me­di­ately tell him it’s psy­cho­log­i­cal due to his younger age.

One doc­tor im­me­di­ately sug­gested we see a sex ther­a­pist. We can­not af­ford this, and also feel it’s a phys­i­cal prob­lem, so he’s hav­ing tests. If it’s not phys­i­cal, then we’d explore ther­apy.

It’s tak­ing an aw­ful toll on my hus­band’s con­fi­dence. But I’m also suf­fer­ing through this (low con­fi­dence that I’m at­trac­tive, con­stantly feel­ing re­jected, won­der­ing if he’s se­cretly gay).

I need a real-peo­ple sup­port group for part­ners of those suf­fer­ing with ED. I don’t want an on­line group.

— Frus­trated Spouse

A: Now that you’re fi­nally look­ing into this and tak­ing tests, don’t turn on your doc­tor for ad­vice that both­ers you, in­stead, weigh it among the things you do know about ED and try to learn more.

The sug­ges­tion of sex ther­apy wasn’t an in­sult or blame. It may be help­ful for your own frus­tra­tion, and feel­ings of hurt, and your hus­band’s frus­tra­tion and anx­i­ety about this. Ther­apy has a place even if there IS a phys­i­cal cause in­volved.

The cost for a few ses­sions can be well worth the gained con­fi­dence about re­solv­ing the is­sue. A sex ther­a­pist would most likely know if there’s any ED-sup­port group in your area.

To search for your­self, do go on­line and see if any group meets in per­son. This may be more likely for the “spouse of,” like your­self to join, than for the ac­tual ED suf­ferer who might pre­fer on­line anonymity.

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