Edmonton Journal

THE LONG ROAD TO FORGIVENES­S

What steps must disgraced men take to find their way back?

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If a man abuses his co-workers and apologizes, should he be forgiven? What about a man who sexually assaults a stranger asleep in bed? Is redemption possible?

Tom Ashbrook, who was fired as host of the popular National Public Radio program On Point, asks in a recent column in The Boston Globe if there is a way back after being fired in February for creating an “abusive work environmen­t.” Investigat­ors for his employer, Boston radio station WBUR, cleared him of allegation­s of sexual misconduct.

“My behaviour was offensive and overbearin­g to some,” Ashbrook wrote, but “is there room for redemption and rebirth, in our time of Google trails and hashtag headlines?”

There should be, say many experts who study issues surroundin­g sexual abuse. Forgivenes­s must be possible if society wants to reduce instances of sexual misconduct. But it will take work and willingnes­s to change from both the perpetrato­rs and society at large.

Many of the apologies men have made during the #MeToo movement have fallen short of what’s needed for redemption: Think of Harvey Weinstein, whose apology after a New York Times report in October alleging decades of sexual misconduct included a promise to fight the National Rifle Associatio­n and an excuse blaming the culture in the 1960s and ’70s.

Or celebrity chef Mario Batali, who ended his apology with a recipe for pizza dough cinnamon rolls.

“We don’t really have a map for what public rehabilita­tion should look like,” said Jennifer A. Thompson, an assistant professor of applied Jewish ethics and civic engagement at California State University, Northridge.

Thompson said Ashbrook and Batali both get credit for trying. But they fall short by continuing to focus on themselves, rather than on the people they wronged, she said. In the Jewish tradition, when you wrong a person, it’s up to that person to forgive you.

Asking for forgivenes­s makes you vulnerable, she said, an unfamiliar place for men with power.

When famous men, such as the comedian Louis C.K., have made public apologies that are deemed insufficie­nt, it can cause them to retreat from view, said Alissa Ackerman-Acklin, an assistant professor of criminal justice at California State University, Fullerton. But that’s the opposite of what we should want.

“If we want a society free of sexual misconduct and we want people to really understand the impact of their actions, then publicly shaming them is not the way to do it. It makes us feel good, but it doesn’t do anything to reduce sexual misconduct,” she said.

Instead, the men should be making connection­s — possibly with their victims, if that’s what the victims want, or with others in a “safe, non-judgmental space,” where “people who have caused this kind of harm can really think about what they’ve done and get really introspect­ive and come to a place where they can offer an authentic apology.”

Lesley Wexler, a professor at the University of Illinois College of Law, said “restorativ­e justice” offers a model for possible redemption.

She cites Mel Gibson, who went on an anti-Semitic rant as he was being arrested on suspicion of drunken driving in 2006 and pleaded no contest in 2011 to misdemeano­ur spousal battery of his former girlfriend. Among the steps he took to redeem himself was offering public apologies and meeting with members of the Jewish community, she said.

“Within less than a decade, he’s directing Hacksaw Ridge, he’s starring in Daddy’s Home 2,” Wexler said. “This fear that men are going to be exiled for the rest of their lives is vastly overstated.”

Recently, a former Boston University student stood in a court with her own lesson of offering redemption.

She was sexually assaulted in 2015 by a then-MIT student, Samson Donick, who broke into her dorm room. She woke up to find Donick assaulting her.

She did not want to go through a trial, and she asked the court to approve a plea deal that kept him out of prison. The judge was initially opposed, but finally agreed after the woman told the judge “everyone deserves second chances.”

 ?? ELEVATION PICTURES ?? The once-disgraced Mel Gibson, seen directing Hacksaw Ridge, apologized publicly and eventually eased back into Hollywood.
ELEVATION PICTURES The once-disgraced Mel Gibson, seen directing Hacksaw Ridge, apologized publicly and eventually eased back into Hollywood.

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