The 36 ques­tions that will change how you feel about your­self.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR­SELF FOR SURE?

Elle (Canada) - - Insider -

EAR­LIER THIS YEAR, The New York Times pub­lished a list of 36 ques­tions writ­ten by psy­chol­o­gist Arthur Aron that new cou­ples or ac­quain­tances can ask each other if they want to fast-track their re­la­tion­ship (or break up, depend­ing on what’s re­vealed). We wanted to cre­ate a sim­i­lar ques­tion­naire but have the fo­cus be on self-dis­cov­ery, so we turned to two psy­chol­o­gists who spe­cial­ize in study­ing the self: Gary Le­wandowski, Ph.D., a pro­fes­sor at Mon­mouth Univer­sity in New Jersey, and Brent Mat­tingly, Ph.D., an as­sis­tant pro­fes­sor at Ursi­nus Col­lege in Penn­syl­va­nia. They cre­ated the ques­tions based on psy­cho­log­i­cal the­o­ries and re­search. The pro­fes­sors rec­om­mend that you con­sider each ques­tion care­fully and write down your an­swers to get the most out of the quiz. Are you ready to dis­cover the real you? h

LIST FIVE AD­JEC­TIVES OR TRAITS THAT DE­SCRIBE YOU.

LIST FIVE R OLES THAT YOU FUL­FILL.

LIST FIVE OF YOUR SKILLS AND ABIL­I­TIES.

LIST FIVE OF Y OUR POS­SES­SIONS THAT PRO­VIDE IN­SIGHT INTO WHO YOU ARE AS A PER­SON.

LIST FIVE LIFE EX­PE­RI­ENCES THA T HAVE HELPED DE­FINE WHO Y OU ARE.

LIST FIVE AT­TRIBUTES THAT YOU THINK YOUR FAM­ILY AND CLOS­EST FRIENDS WOULD SAY DE­SCRIBE YOU.

RE­AL­ITY CHECK “You may have to think deeply to an­swer some of these ques­tions, but ev­ery­one should be able to do it,” says Le­wandowski. “Even if you can’t an­swer right on the spot, the ques­tions will en­ter into your con­scious­ness and you will con­tinue to think about them. If an­swer­ing them is a breeze, it in­di­cates that you have a pretty good sense of who you are.” THE FIND­INGS “Re­search shows that hav­ing a bet­ter sense of self brings tan­gi­ble ben­e­fits like in­creased hap­pi­ness and life sat­is­fac­tion, a bet­ter mood and lower stress,” says Mat­tingly. GO ONE STEP FUR­THER Ac­tu­ally reach out to your fam­ily and sev­eral of your clos­est friends and ask them to share the five traits that they think best de­scribe you. Then com­pare and con­trast these lists with your own. “Peo­ple who know them­selves well tend to have a list sim­i­lar to what their friends said,” says Le­wandowski. “Some­times other peo­ple can see us more ac­cu­rately than we see our­selves, and some­times we de­fine our­selves by how we think other peo­ple see us.”

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT WHO Y OU ARE, WHAT AS­PECTS OF YOUR PER­SON­AL­ITY ARE MOST CLEAR TO YOU? IN WHAT WAYS DOES THE “YOU” THAT YOU PRESENT TO THE WORLD MATCH WHO YOU RE­ALLY ARE?

THINK OF THREE EX­AM­PLES OF WHEN YOU STAYED TRUE T O YOUR­SELF DE­SPITE SO­CI­ETAL OR PEER PRES­SURE. HO W CAN YOU CON­TINUE T O DO THIS? WHAT ARE THREE OF Y OUR MOST IM­POR­TANT PER­SONAL VAL­UES, AND HOW CAN STAND­ING BY THESE BE­LIEFS BEN­E­FIT Y OU IN THE FU­TURE? WHAT AS­PECTS OF Y OUR PER­SON­AL­ITY STAY THE SAME RE­GARD­LESS OF THE SITU ATION? LOOK AT THE “YOUR ESSEN­TIALS” LISTS THAT YOU’VE CRE­ATED FOR QUES­TIONS 1 TO 6. DO ANY OF THESE TR AITS CON­FLICT WITH WHO Y OU THINK YOU ARE? IF THEY DO, HO W CAN YOU BE

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