HU­MOUR

Mon­ica Heisey has a new “crys­tal-clear” take on life.

Elle (Canada) - - Content - By Mon­ica Heisey

Our in-house funny per­son is so into crys­tals right now.

i’m into crys­tals now. I’m sure I don’t need to make this an­nounce­ment—you’ve prob­a­bly all gath­ered from In­sta­gram—but some­times you just have to shout your bliss from the rooftops, or at least make it Face­book Of­fi­cial. So, with­out fur­ther ado, ladies and gen­tle­men, Mom and Dad, close friends and that guy I met when I worked at a restau­rant one sum­mer whom I can’t seem to re­mem­ber to un­friend: I’m into crys­tals now!

This has been a re­ally ex­cit­ing jour­ney for me. It be­gan over a week ago, when I started fol­low­ing a bunch of Cal­i­for­nia-based gift shops on Tum­blr. Frankly, it was love at first sagi­nite. It wasn’t long be­fore I was see­ing crys­tals ev­ery­where: at hip vin­tage stores and ar­ti­sanal ce­ramic work­shops, dan­gling del­i­cately from the swan­like necks of hip ur­ban florists. The pull of the crys­tals seemed om­nipresent—the shin­ing sa­cred rocks pu­ri­fy­ing the air and mak­ing me think “Cool.”

I was drawn to them by a power you might call “mys­ti­cal.” Sud­denly, my en­ergy was fo­cused on a pri­or­ity in my life that hadn’t pre­vi­ously been there: heal­ing my aura in a way that made me look very, very cool. I started with a smooth, curved orb of rose quartz. I’m not a sucker— I didn’t fall for that cutesy carved-into-a-heart-sha­pe­and-then-marked-up-thirty-dol­lars bit. Oh, no. I paid a rea­son­able $20 for a hunk of pink rock de­signed to at­tract un­con­di­tional love and self-love. And, you know, I think it worked! I def­i­nitely love my­self more in my new life as a Per­son Who’s into Crys­tals than I did in my old life as Some­one Less Cool. It has been very heal­ing.

My next pur­chase was a clas­sic: Own­ing a large hunk of amethyst brought peace, sta­bil­ity and “psy­chic so­bri­ety” to my life with­out my even hav­ing to learn what psy­chic so­bri­ety means! Crys­tals have re­ally opened my eyes to the en­er­gies em­a­nat­ing from na­ture and the fact that you can just buy cool stuff if you want to seem cooler. In the past, I used to worry about not look­ing trendy and in the know on so­cial me­dia; I would over­think it and work my­self into a frenzy be­fore post­ing a des­per­ate pic­ture of my face—with­out even a hint of im­pres­sive rocks. Now, I just get a man­i­cure and then reach for a piece of hematite and hold it in a beam of sun­light against a white wall. Sim­ply hold­ing the anti-stress stone blocks all that neg­a­tive en­ergy, so I can take a mys­ti­cal photo and post it along with a bunch of shoot­ing-star emo­jis.

The skep­tics among you might be think­ing “You sound like a caf­tan-wear­ing, rosé-drink­ing Los An­ge­les di­vorcee.” To which I say “Thank you, that is ex­actly what I’m go­ing for!” In my apart­ment, I’ve even set up a num­ber of dif­fer­ent al­tars to bo­hemian-look­ing thin women who prob­a­bly own crys­tals and are there­fore he­roes.

The cit­rine-head life­style is not for ev­ery­one, but it has im­pacted me in ways I can’t re­ally ex­plain. Is it the heal­ing prop­er­ties of th­ese mag­i­cal stones? Is it that I have dis­cov­ered you can lit­er­ally buy free-spirit­ed­ness? Is it that lapis lazuli is the most beau­ti­ful and ex­pen­sive pa­per­weight I’ve ever owned? That’s not for me to say. I am a princess of the New Age, and there is no turn­ing back. Now, can I in­ter­est you in a tour­ma­line? n

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