You’re never go­ing to find “the one”—and that’s a good thing.

ELLE (Canada) - - Insider - By Sarah Tre­leaven


de­clared “I’m look­ing for love. Real love. Ridicu­lous, in­con­ve­nient, con­sum­ing, can’t-­live-with­out-each-other love” at the end of Sex and the City, many of us sighed and agreed. But more than a decade later, her speech seems, well, dated and naive. We—and the pop cul­ture we con­sume—are far more am­biva­lent about find­ing “the one.” Con­sider the Net­flix com­edy Mas­ter of None. In the fi­nale of sea­son one, Dev, played by the show’s writer and co-cre­ator Aziz An­sari, at­tends a wed­ding with his girl­friend, Rachel. As he watches his pals—a nau­se­at­ingly-starry-eyed bride and groom—re­cite their vows, Dev imag­ines what he might say to Rachel if they were in the same po­si­tion: “Rachel, I’m not 100 per­cent sure about this. Are you the one per­son I’m sup­posed to be with for­ever? I don’t fuck­ing know. And what’s the other op­tion—we break up? That seems shitty too.”

In ad­di­tion to Dev and Rachel’s will-they-won’t-they-make-it-work story arc, there’s Gus and Mickey in the se­ries Love, a cou­ple who is as on-again, off-again as Mi­ley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth. Or Han­nah in Girls, who, at the end of sea­son six, tear­fully shuts down any hope of rec­on­cil­i­a­tion with her for­mer ob­ses­sion Adam. Soulmates, it seems, are passé. Psy­chol­o­gists have been onto this for decades. In 1997, re­search pro­fes­sor Arthur Aron ac­tu­ally man­u­fac­tured re­la­tion­ships in his lab at the State Univer­sity of New York. He in­vited stran­gers to ask and an­swer a se­ries of 36 in­creas­ingly per­sonal ques­tions. (The premise was sim­ple: The ques­tions—which range from “Would you like to be fa­mous?” to “When did you last cry in front of another per­son?”—speed up in­ti­macy and vul­ner­a­bil­ity, two fac­tors that are key to a re­la­tion­ship.)

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