AN­NALS OF PRE­MIUM BRAND YO­GURT

Geist - - Miscellany -

Ev­ery once in a while, we at Geist un­der­take Very Of­fi­cial Tasks, things such as fil­ing, or­ga­niz­ing our twenty-eight-year ar­chive and au­dit­ing our so­cial me­dia ac­counts. We fre­quently dis­cover all man­ner of in­ter­est­ing ephemera dur­ing these VOTS. One such tid­bit: in the course of re­view­ing some of the avail­able data on our Twit­ter fol­low­ers’ in­ter­ests and pro­cliv­i­ties, our in­tern dis­cov­ered that some of these fol­low­ers are highly in­ter­ested in “pre­mium brand nat­u­ral yo­gurt.” Now, ac­cord­ing to Dairy

Foods magazine, it is mil­len­ni­als, 22- to 37-year-olds, who are re­spon­si­ble for an over­all mar­ket shift away from non-pre­mium prod­ucts to­ward more unc­tu­ous, ex­tra creamy, pre­mium types of yo­gurts to ful­fill their dairy needs. So given this in­ter­est, nat­u­rally we be­gan to wonder if a sig­nif­i­cant por­tion of our Twit­ter au­di­ence be­longs to this “mil­len­nial” de­mo­graphic group. In do­ing some re­search into what we around the of­fice have come to re­fer to as “this pre­mium yo­gurt busi­ness,” we dis­cov­ered that mil­len­ni­als are ap­par­ently a mur­der­ous lot, re­spon­si­ble for “killing,” pre­sum­ably by fail­ing to pur­chase or hav­ing no de­sire for, door­bells, nap­kins, lunch, ca­sual din­ing chains (in­clud­ing some­thing called a “Breas­t­au­rant,” which we’re guess­ing is Hoot­ers), starter homes, bar soap, ce­real, may­on­naise, fab­ric softener, golf, di­a­monds and good­ness knows what else. But what they do want lots of are “in­dul­gent yo­gurts that of­fer lush tex­ture and gourmet fla­vors… rather than the once dom­i­nant low-fat fare geared to­ward di­eters.” Lush tex­ture and gourmet flavours. We can only hope our Twit­ter fol­low­ers (and all our read­ers) see Geist as the full-fat Olympic Dairy or Lib­erté of Cana­dian lit­er­a­ture.

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