THE GOOD PEO­PLE WANT GANJA

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their kids at all times. Amer­i­can women are cur­rently lob­by­ing for this same tech­nol­ogy to be used in wed­ding rings.

Kanye West is the world’s great­est artist. Just ask him. He ap­peared at his Texas con­cert wear­ing a mask and some­one shouted, “Take it off.” Af­ter hav­ing se­cu­rity eject the paid- ticket holder, Kanye cleared up any pos­si­bil­ity of mis­taken iden­tity by declar­ing his full name. “I’m Kanye- mothaf– in-West!” he said. And no one’s ar­gu­ing that.

Hash­tag “cannabis” has been trend­ing on Twit­ter, and not just be­cause weed- smok­ers re­peat­edly tweeted while for­get­ting they had. Ganja is mak­ing news be­cause pub­lic ap­peal for le­gal­iza­tion is grow­ing, while staunch op­posers re­cy­cle ar­chaic myths of reefer mad­ness as they guz­zle their spirit of choice. “It’s a gate­way drug,” they say. Yes, the gate­way to pro­cras­ti­na­tion and poor gas­tro­nom­i­cal de­ci­sions. And last I checked, nei­ther one of those is crim­i­nal.

U. S. pri­vate- eq­uity firm Bain Cap­i­tal has man­aged to over­take one of our coun­try’s great na­tional trea­sures: Canada Goose. Cur­rent pres­i­dent Dani Reiss says that the cor­po­ra­tion in­tends to main­tain the high stan­dards for out­er­wear that his fam­ily worked hard to cre­ate, and that they will con­tinue to be made in Canada. Oh good, so we still won’t be able to af­ford them.

Time magazine’s Per­son of the Year goes to Pope Fran­cis! The peo­ple’s pon­tiff was cho­sen for re­fo­cus­ing the church away from con­dem­na­tion and back to ba­sics like mercy, com­pas­sion and maybe even smok­ing weed.

On Dec. 12, 1957, rock ’n’ roll icon Jerry Lee Lewis, who was still mar­ried to his first wife, se­cretly wed his 13- year- old sec­ond cousin Myra Gale Brown. This “de­gen­er­ate tri­fecta” raised in­ter­est­ing pub­lic de­bate about which was more dis­turb­ing: the bigamy, the in­cest or the statu­tory rape. Now, that’s what I call some Great Balls of Fire.

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