In a re­la­tion­ship, should a man feel bad if the woman who earns more pays for things more than half the time?

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is due to the en­trenched sex­ism that lingers in all our brains. You “feel bad” about some­thing that is ac­tu­ally re­ally, re­ally good: you have a gen­er­ous girl­friend who wants to share her suc­cess with you. As for the “im­bal­ance” in your re­la­tion­ship, there’s al­ways been an im­bal­ance be­tween men’s and women’s ac­cess to money and power. The only rea­son you’re notic­ing it now is be­cause you’re on the other side of the ful­crum.

As long as our girl­friend doesn’t abuse her power as the higher earner by thinking she gets to make all the de­ci­sions she’s (mostly) pay­ing for — whether it’s choos­ing a restau­rant or a lux­ury des­ti­na­tion for your next hol­i­day — you could have a very good life to­gether.

For­get the old rules. Be nice and open and hon­est with each other, and go for a re­la­tion­ship of equals.

Need ad­vice? Email Ellen:

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