Date my hus­band

How writ­ing your part­ner’s dat­ing pro­file can be a re­ward­ing ex­pe­ri­ence for you both

Midtown Post - - Life - DR. JESS Jess O’Reilly is a sought-af­ter speaker, au­thor and sex­ol­o­gist (www.SexWithDrJess.com).

In March of this year, the New York Times pub­lished a mov­ing piece, “You May Want to Marry My Hus­band.”

I read it on the plane and cried my way through the en­tire piece in which Amy Krouse Rosen­thal de­scribes her hus­band as though she’s writ­ing his dat­ing pro­file. The sum­mary: he’s a catch. If I wasn’t hap­pily mar­ried, I’d con­sider mar­ry­ing him.

You’ll prob­a­bly feel the same way once you read it. She was on her deathbed at the time and was still madly in love af­ter 26 years.

She died 10 days af­ter pub­li­ca­tion on March 13.

To say I was moved by the piece is an un­der­state­ment. I called my hus­band in tears, but I couldn’t speak. So in­stead, I used it as in­spi­ra­tion and wrote my hus­band’s dat­ing pro­file. I sent it to him in point form via text (be­cause I’m ro­man­tic like that), and he was also moved to tears.

Be­cause we were both so swayed by the ar­ti­cle and the ex­er­cise, I de­cided to use both in my re­treat the next day in Prague. Af­ter the first day of pro­gram­ming came to a close, I asked cou­ples to read Rosen­thal’s col­umn and then write a dat­ing pro­file for their part­ner as a re­minder of why they love them and to help reignite the pas­sion.

Each par­tic­i­pant (and even the two Czech trans­la­tors) strug­gled to con­tain their tears as they read the ar­ti­cle and made a list of their part­ner’s best qual­i­ties. When they were done, they re­ported feel­ing more present, grate­ful, in love and in­ti­mate with their part­ners.

I con­tinue to use this highly ef­fec­tive ac­tiv­ity with both sin­gles (pairs of f riends) and cou­ples across the globe and get teary eyed each time I in­tro­duce it. Con­sider try­ing it at home:

1. Read the ar­ti­cle (it will come up in any Google search).

2. Jot do wn notes for y our part­ner’s dat­ing pro­file con­sid­er­ing the f ol­low­ing ar eas: perso nal­ity, hob­bies, at­ti­tude ,p ro­fes­sion, dis­po­si­tion, ap­pear­ance, en­dear­ing idio­syn­cra­sies, habits, par­ent­ing style, co mmu­nity inv olve­ment, fam­ily role and any­thing else that makes your par tner won­der­ful. Don’t get hung up on the lan­guage — just let the words flow.

3. S hare with your part­ner and soak up the pos­i­tive af­fir­ma­tions.

Don Mills cou­ple Kell y and Sean tried this ex­er­cise last month and were pleas­antly sur­prised by the re­sults.

“Af­ter seven years to­gether, it was a pow­er­ful re­minder of how much we love each other and how we shouldn’t take one an­other for granted,” Kelly s ays. “Writ­ing it came v ery nat­u­rall y, and I g ot but­ter­flies in my sto mach. I was ex­cited, gushy and gig­gling.”

If you’re will­ing to giv e it a t ry and share your ex­pe­ri­ence, email us: info@sexwithdrjess.com.

Sean and Kelly wrote each other’s dat­ing pro­files last month

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