Fam­ily shocked by rev­e­la­tion

Moose Jaw Times Herald - - OPINION -

My son and his live-in girl­friend were ex­pect­ing a baby. My daugh­ter planned the shower, and it was a won­der­ful eight months of ex­cite­ment. I was in­cluded in the ul­tra­sounds and all in­for­ma­tion, and we were all an­tic­i­pat­ing the big day. Two weeks be­fore the baby was due, my son showed up and an­nounced that the baby is not his. He was heart­bro­ken, as were all of us.

I had given them items that should have stayed in the fam­ily, and many of his friends and our ex­tended fam­ily gave them a lot of gifts. Shouldn’t those things be re­turned? She cheated on my son, be­came preg­nant by an­other man and then waited un­til the end to break his heart. Your ad­vice would be ap­pre­ci­ated.

Please ac­cept my sym­pa­thy for the very real loss your fam­ily has ex­pe­ri­enced. My ques­tion to you would be, how is your son han­dling this rev­e­la­tion? Is the re­la­tion­ship over, or is there a chance he could for­give her, rec­on­cile and ac­cept the baby as his own? (Some men do.)

If that’s the case, let things stand as they are. How­ever, if he won’t, you should po­litely ask for the fam­ily items to be re­turned. Right­fully, they should be. As­sum­ing they are in her pos­ses­sion and were given as gifts, she may refuse, and you can’t force her. Be pre­pared, hang onto your tem­per and try not to say any­thing for which you might be sorry later. This time for ne­go­ti­a­tion, not vendetta.

is

a

I was raped when I was 13. My un­cle was the per­son who took me to the home of his friend who raped me. Af­ter that, my un­cle started mo­lest­ing me. In­stead of believ­ing me, my par­ents be­lieved my un­cle’s lies. They blamed and aban­doned me af­ter­ward. I had to learn about life the hard way.

My dad is dead now, and I don’t as­so­ciate with my mom or any­one on her side of the fam­ily.

I al­ways mess up any re­la­tion­ship I have. I love the guy I have been see­ing for three years, but I’m still do­ing the same things that ru­ined my last re­la­tion­ships. I have a huge prob­lem with trust, even with this new guy. How do I stop act­ing like this? Con­sid­er­ing your history, your trust is­sues are a nor­mal re­ac­tion

to what was done to you by your fam­ily. That your par­ents would believe your abuser in­stead of you when you told them you had been as­saulted is ap­palling.

If there is a rape treat­ment cen­ter near where you live, reach out to it for help. If there isn’t, and you can’t af­ford pri­vate coun­sel­ing, con­tact the county de­part­ment of men­tal health and ask to talk to a li­censed psy­chother­a­pist.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Canada

© PressReader. All rights reserved.