Marriage recovers from affair, but wife can’t forgive herself
About 12 years ago, I made a terrible mistake and had an affair. My husband loved me enough to forgive me, and our marriage has been fine ever since.
The problem is, I can’t forgive myself. I hate myself! I could have lost everything, including our two kids. I think of all the time I wasted when I could have shared that time with them, and I beat myself up daily over this.
I have been depressed for so long. How do I get over this? I’m on meds, but it’s deeper than that. I feel I have a seat waiting in hell because of it. So -- no chance for heaven -what’s the point in trying to be happy?
I can’t afford counseling, and I don’t have a priest to talk to. Is there some kind of counseling group online I could join? there’s one nearby. Trust me, it won’t be the first time he or she has heard a story like yours, and it may bring you comfort.
I have a fear of “threes.” My brother, whom I never met, died at 3 months because he had a hole in his heart. My dad died at 43, the day before his 44th birthday. My other brother also died at the age of 43. Mom died in the third month (March) when she was 63 years old, and that’s just immediate family. Other family members and a couple of friends also had the number three connected to their untimely deaths.
Whenever the number three comes up, it drives me crazy. I just turned 40 and was miserable during my 30s, anticipating that I would be next. I’m sure I’ll be fine for another two years, but knowing my dad and brother died at 43 will make me fearful for the whole year. Am I cursed?
You have experienced more loss in your life than the average person. For that I can only offer my sympathy. However, you are viewing this the wrong way. Three isn’t YOUR unlucky number -- it was the unlucky number of the people who DIED. Because a particular fate befalls someone close does not guarantee the same misfortune will happen to you. Please, enjoy the life you are given to the fullest every day and stop diminishing your quality of life with morbid thoughts. It is your negative thinking that’s the curse, and nothing more.
What should I have told my heartbroken 6-year-old daughter when all the other girls (four) on our block were invited to a birthday party except her?
If she were my daughter, I would have told her that we were going to do something special that day -- just the two of us -- and then I would have made it happen.
I am a 70-year-old white male. I work full time as a veterinarian, teach two aerobics classes and take a weekly class for strength training. In the past three weeks, I have fallen twice — once just walking in the airport. It was sudden and scary. Over the past five to six months I have noticed a loss of balance greater than what I could blame on past injuries and surgeries. When standing still, I am constantly fighting for balance, and feel like I will tip over. After yesterday’s fall, I researched balance issues, and Parkinson’s disease seems to be a common cause. I tried doing the “balance beam” test and failed miserably. I will be seeing my primary doctor in a few weeks, and this will be a topic of conversation. What other conditions should I be considering as possible causes for the increased loss of balance? I dread the thought of falling and injuring myself so that I can’t work.
A progressive loss of balance needs evaluation. There are many causes (my textbook lists over a hundred, and although Parkinson’s disease can cause instability and falls, it usually does not do so until relatively late in its progression. Your symptoms are more concerning for ataxia, a type of loss of motor control that often comes from disorders of the cerebellum, a large structure in the base of the brain that controls coordinated movement.
I would not wait a few weeks to see your primary doctor: I would see your doctor sooner, or go directly to a neurologist.
I have something to say to health care providers: Please do a physical exam on your patients. I have taken my dad to many appointments, and all the doc does is chit-chat, pat and send him away. I have no idea what is written in their notes. I had to make one doctor look at his feet a couple of years ago, but he did a poor exam. In the past three months, my father has been to two geriatricians, one gait doctor, a nurse practitioner and a host of physical therapists, in part for this gait disorder. No one examined his feet or tested his sensation — so I did. He has greatly diminished sensation; long, infected nails; painful calluses; and three toes with open areas of infections between them. Twice, his hemoglobin has dropped, with no resultant GI exam of any sort. He has been on medication that can cause neuropathy for years, but one has monitored that.
Doctors, your clinical judgment needs to be supported by a physical exam. With limited time for visits, health care providers must make time for both. Patients, insist on an exam! no
I agree with you. I know many doctors do not do a regular exam, and I can’t defend this. It’s true that the history most often leads to the diagnosis, but the physical is important for everybody — especially older and sicker patients. Doctors may be friendly, but in the office, our patients are our patients, not our friends. That means taking clothes off and doing an appropriate examination. It also means keeping an unbiased ear open for concerns and acting on them. We like to say that everything is OK, but sometimes it isn’t, so knowing when to look further is a critical skill.
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