Funny Stuff

More of Our Canada - - Content - Macken­zie Balzan, Pow­ell River, B. C.

If you’re some­one like me who doesn’t par­tic­u­larly en­joy spend­ing time out on the ocean, a fish­ing trip with your dad isn’t likely your cup of tea.

I don’t know about you, but the itchy salt wa­ter, writhing bait and dan­ger­ous hooks hardly sound like a good time to me. How­ever, if you hap­pen to find your­self with Dad on­board a float­ing death trap fully stocked with fish­ing gear, I have a few tips for sur­viv­ing the im­pend­ing or­deal. Fol­low my ad­vice, and you will suc­cess­fully avoid han­dling sharp hooks and touch­ing gross bait while ex­pertly han­dling a fish­ing rod like a pro. I can even help you make it seem as if you’re en­joy­ing the ex­pe­ri­ence, too!

Upon your ar­rival in the mid­dle of nowhere, some­where on the Big Blue, the first thing to take care of is the se­lec­tion of a fish­ing rod and hook. Since your fa­ther is the real fish­ing afi­cionado, al­low him the op­por­tu­nity to help you make your de­ci­sion on rod and hook. By giv­ing him this ex­cuse to demon­strate his ex­per­tise, you have also clev­erly got­ten out of a sit­u­a­tion wherein a nasty ac­ci­dent with a hook may have taken place. Phew!

Next is the is­sue of bait­ing the hook. First, pick your poi­son— long, slimy worms; slippery, re­volt­ing her­ring; squirm­ing, blood-suck­ing leeches; or any other yucky bait that is made avail­able. Re­mem­ber: Don’t puke! Vomit is not ex­actly an in­di­ca­tor that you’re hav­ing fun.

Hav­ing now se­lected the bait, once again, let your dad ex­er­cise his abil­i­ties by al­low­ing him to pierce the bait and wrig­gle it onto the hook. In sim­i­lar fash­ion to your ini­tial hook se­lec­tion, you have lim­ited the risk of in­jury while in­ter­act­ing with a painfully sharp hook and dodged the re­spon­si­bil­ity of han­dling the repul­sive bait… all while seem­ing in­ter­ested in the whole process.

The ac­tual act of fish­ing is the eas­i­est part. Ex­tend your rod over the wa­ter and let out a length of line; next, move your rod around a lit­tle bit so it ap­pears that you’re re­ally try­ing to at­tract a fish. This may be re­ferred to as the “fake-it-tillyou-make-it” tech­nique, but you are not, of course, re­ally try­ing to “make it.” But ac­tu­ally catch­ing a fish might be a bonus: You’ll get to act ex­cited, and your fa­ther will be very proud of your suc­cess.

Abide by my tried-and-tested tips and you will be well on your way to breez­ing through the whole un­for­tu­nate event.

A fish­ing trip with your dad will no longer be an is­sue—you will sur­vive!”

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