Sav­age Love

NOW Magazine - - SAVAGE LOVE - mail@sav­agelove.net @fakedansav­age on Twit­ter ITMFA.org By Dan Sav­age

Quick­ies

This woman has gone down on me

(I’m a man) more than half a dozen times in the last three months. Each time seems to be bet­ter than the pre­vi­ous! She does not want re­cip­ro­ca­tion. She has also turned down all my of­fers for in­ter­course. As far as I know, she is het­ero­sex­ual just like me. What’s with that? I am get­ting a bit frus­trated. Also, without go­ing all the way, am I con­sid­ered a friend with ben­e­fits?

Just Chill­ing You’re ben­e­fit­ing here – think of all those blowjobs – and if she’s a friend, you can cer­tainly re­gard your­self as a friend with ben­e­fits. As for why she won’t al­low you to eat her pussy or put your dick in her pussy, JC, well, a few things spring to mind. She could be one of those women who love to give head and that’s all she wants from a ca­sual part­ner. Or she could have body-image is­sues. Or she could have a sex­u­ally trans­mit­ted in­fec­tion, and she’d rather blow than dis­close. Or she might be un­will­ing to risk preg­nancy. Or she could be in­ter­sex or trans and not ready to open up. If you en­joy those blowjobs – if you’re en­joy­ing the ben­e­fits – fo­cus on what you are get­ting in­stead of what you’re not. my hus­band and i oc­ca­sion­ally go To swingers clubs. I don’t want to in­ad­ver­tently fuck any Trump sup­port­ers, but I hate the idea of bring­ing up pol­i­tics and killing every­one’s col­lec­tive boner. Any sug­ges­tions would be ap­pre­ci­ated!

Oc­ca­sion­ally Swing­ing At the risk of killing your boner for­ever, OS, the or­ga­nized swing­ing scene “leans right,” as poll­ster Char­lie Cook would put it if Char­lie Cook polled swingers. Eas­ily half of the cou­ples I met at a big swingers con­ven­tion I at­tended in Las Ve­gas told me they were Repub­li­cans. One man – a swinger from Texas – told me he was a “tra­di­tional val­ues” type of guy and that’s why he op­posed same­sex mar­riage. Fun fact: His wife was off fuck­ing some­one else’s hus­band while we were chit-chat­ting in the ho­tel bar. Good times. i’m a hap­pily mar­ried 35-year-old mom. I have a lov­ing and de­voted hus­band. Re­cently, I started a job to get out of the house more and in­ter­act with more peo­ple. Well, it turns out my new boss is a real hot­tie. I have a crush on him and of­ten find my­self fan­ta­siz­ing about him. While I know these feel­ings can be nor­mal, I tend to fix­ate/ob­sess. I’m ba­si­cally look­ing for ad­vice on how to move past this crush or maybe find a more pro­duc­tive out­let. New­bie Fan­ta­siz­ing Here’s a more pro­duc­tive out­let: Turn out the lights, climb on top of your hus­band, get him hard, then sink your pussy down on his cock and ride him while you fan­ta­size about your boss. (Per­haps this is bet­ter de­scribed as a more pro­duc­tive in­let?) Bonus points if you and your hus­band are both se­cure enough in your mar­riage and cog­nizant enough of re­al­ity to re­gard crushes on oth­ers as nor­mal and, so long as they re­main crushes, not a threat to your mar­riage or com­mit­ment. Be­cause then you can talk dirty with your hus­band about your boss – he can even pre­tend to be your boss – while you ride your hus­band’s cock.

The oTher nighT while my wife and i were watch­ing porn and mas­tur­bat­ing to­gether, I sug­gested we mas­tur­bate in front of Dir­tyRoulette. I briefly ex­plained what the site is about. She asked me if that’s what I do – if I get on DR when I mas­tur­bate. I replied yes, some­times – and she was so taken aback, she ended our mas­tur­ba­tion ses­sion to process it. We’re fine now, but do you think this is “cheat­ing”?

Dirty Roulet­ting I don’t think it’s cheat­ing, DR, but you aren’t mar­ried to me. In other words, if your wife re­gards you mas­tur­bat­ing with strangers on the in­ter­net as cheat­ing, then it’s cheat­ing. There are, of course, some peo­ple out there who re­gard too many things as cheat­ing – fan­ta­siz­ing about oth­ers, look­ing at porn, even non-we­b­cam-or-porn-en­hanced mas­tur­ba­tion. Peo­ple who think this way usu­ally re­gard cheat­ing as un­for­giv­able and, con­se­quently, their re­la­tion­ships are doomed to fail­ure. i’m a gay woman in an open mar­riage. I have met some women I am in­ter­ested in who are bi and have hus­bands or male lovers. While I’m into be­ing with these women, I have a con­cern. I know that sperm can’t live out­side the body very long, but it can still be alive and kick­ing in­side a woman for sev­eral days. If a woman fucks a man, and hours or days later, I fuck that woman with fin­gers or toys that are later in­side of me, can I ac­ci­den­tally get preg­nant?

Ac­tively Look­ing No.

i’m deep in The grips of a run-of-The

mill midlife cri­sis. My mar­riage is in a slump, and I’ve been sex­less longer than at any time since I was a teenager. My wife has granted me the DADT “hall pass,” but I have no idea how to go about us­ing it. My life is work, chil­dren, ac­tiv­i­ties re­lated to the chil­dren and a few solo hob­bies to keep my­self fit and sane. I rarely meet new peo­ple, ex­cept at work, and I can’t start a re­la­tion­ship with any­one I meet there. In fact, my ca­reer means I am sub­ject to a fair amount of so­cial scru­tiny and dis­cre­tion is para­mount. Do you have any sug­ges­tions? Hall Pass­ing Re­mem­ber Ashley Madi­son? The hookup site for mar­ried peo­ple look­ing for af­fair part­ners? The site that did a ter­ri­ble job of pro­tect­ing its user data? The site that got hacked? A hack that outed mil­lions of adul­ter­ers and ru­ined lives? Ac­cord­ing to a story at the Out­line, Ashley Madi­son is back, baby, and lots of women – real women, not the bots that plagued the site pre-hack – are us­ing it. “Once the dust had set­tled and other scan­dals en­tered the head­lines, many peo­ple largely for­got about Ashley Madi­son,” Stephanie Rus­sell-Kraft re­ports. “This might ex­plain why Ashley Madi­son’s user num­bers have shot up in re­cent years.”

any eTi­queTTe Tips or besT prac­Tices for in­tro­duc­ing my hus­band to my boyfriend?

Poly Pro­cess­ing

Keep it ca­sual and keep it brief, PP. A quick drink be­fore you and your hus­band head to a sold-out show you have only two tick­ets for. If your hus­band has an un­ex­pect­edly emo­tional re­ac­tion to meet­ing your boyfriend in the flesh – if it dredges up jeal­ousy is­sues – you won’t be putting him in a sit­u­a­tion where he has to bot­tle that up for hours or, worse yet, for a week­end.

hey, dan, you missed an op­por­Tu­niTy

in your re­sponse to Afraid To Bleed. She wrote that she bleeds when­ever she has sex, and she was con­cerned about her part­ner’s aver­sion to blood, which you did ad­dress. But women should not bleed af­ter vagi­nal in­ter­course. There are many rea­sons why they might – so it needs to be in­ves­ti­gated. Please en­cour­age ATB to visit a doc­tor.

Con­cerned Reader Big over­sight on my part, thank you for writ­ing in!

On the Love­cast: Fi­nally! A sex-ad­vice/ rab­bit-care pod­cast mash-up! sav­agelove­cast.com.

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