Finding common ground with new relative

Q I come from an educated and slightly wealthy family, with a strict upbringing. I recently married a man from a small town and humble background.

I like his family, who’ve shown that they care for me and accept me into the family.

Recently, my brother-in-law met a girl and they soon moved in together.

She’s young, has a child from another relationship, and is now pregnant with his kid.

She isn’t mean, but her behaviour screams out about someone whom I feel hasn’t been brought up right.

It isn’t nice to admit, but everything she does is a sore sight to me.

My mother-in-law is kindhearted and loves her just as much as she does me.

What can I do to stop getting irritated with her actions? My Awkward Feelings

A I’d call them your “judgmental” feelings, but for the positive fact that you recognize them in yourself and would like to feel otherwise.

It’s not that hard. Be friendly. Get to know more about her.

Recognize that she may even be exaggerating her differences from you, because she feels your reaction.

It’s possible that causes her to form her own judgments — seeing you as privileged, snooty and unaccepting.

Try to find some common ground through simple things, such as playing with her children, going on a family picnic, etc.

Think of all the positives of being as kind-hearted as your mother-in-law. This girl isn’t mean, and you don’t want to be, either.

Q If someone’s dismissed and terminated from a former employer, and doesn’t disclose it to a future employer, does this constitute a breach of employment?

Can you just say, “They let me go because of downsizing?”

Isn’t how I left that company really my personal privacy issue and the new employer has no business in it? Tell The Truth Or Not?

A Never was hiding the truth harder than in today’s world, where even your grade school misbehaviour can be traced.

Honesty and trust matter hugely to most employers. Omitting the fact that you were terminated with cause is seen no differently than a lie.

It’s far better to be upfront about whatever happened.

Coming clean, and offering some explanation, may even be seen as a sign of decent character.

Example: “I thought no one would be affected, but I was wrong, I regret my mistake, and would never do that again.”

But a lie will follow and discredit you.