Ottawa Citizen

Having to deal with the ugly truth of relative’s past

- ELLIE TESHER Advice Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvic­e.

Q Content warning for pedophilia! I’m a young adult, so now that I’ve reached maturity in my parents’ eyes, I’ve been advised of some horrible family secrets.

I now know which family member I’ll never, ever leave alone with my future children.

Any respect for that family member and his wife is gone.

They have several children. I don’t think he’s done anything sexual to them.

But these kids live in a home kept in disgusting conditions, and they’re constantly left alone without sufficient food.

His wife left him when he was arrested for possessing (illegal) pictures, then she went back to him and they had another child!

How can I help their kids? Anything we do is seen as “interferin­g” and the family pulls away.

I don’t want to lose contact with these kids forever — the older ones who’ll be leaving home will need proper support, and I want to be available.

But what am I supposed to do about the youngest of them?

I struggle with whether I should call children’s services. It’d probably lead to breaking up the kids.

Also, if I call and nothing happens, the family might withdraw and the kids will be stuck with them without any access to family. Any suggestion­s? — Very Concerned A You’ve learned an ugly truth about a relative’s past. But you don’t know any hard facts about present treatment of his children, other than a somewhat neglectful household.

In some jurisdicti­ons, e.g. Canada, anyone who witnesses, or suspects child abuse or neglect, has a duty to report it to child welfare authoritie­s.

If you want to be involved with those children, gently increase your contact. Visit, take them for a walk and a treat, build a relationsh­ip. And listen.

You’ll soon know if you need to take action, or just keep a wary eye on what’s going on.

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