Count­ing the ways Patrick Brown could say he’s sorry

Ottawa Sun - - NEWS - MARK BONOKOSKI mark­bonokoski@gmail.com @Mark­Bonokoski

On­tario Pro­gres­sive Con­ser­va­tive Leader Patrick Brown has Lib­eral Premier Kath­leen Wynne’s le­gal at­tack dogs de­mand­ing an apol­ogy for mis­s­peak­ing that Wynne, her­self, was on trial in the po­lit­i­cal bribery case now un­der­way in Sud­bury.

Noth­ing could be fur­ther from the truth, of course, but one could hardly be blamed for think­ing it had some sem­blance of truth.

Haul­ing out the lawyers, how­ever, is a tried-andtrue in­tim­i­da­tion strat­egy in times such as th­ese, but li­bel suits of­ten go away with a sim­ple apol­ogy and a re­spectable grovel.

If Brown is in­deed plan­ning on apol­o­giz­ing, though, we hereby of­fer him the fol­low­ing list of Top 10 apolo­gies to con­sider, com­plete with a handy script that can be tucked away for easy ref­er­ence.

Con­sider it a pub­lic ser­vice.

From our lips to Patrick Brown’s:

1. First of all, I can­not tell you how sorry I am that I have to be sorry, but feel­ing sorry for Kath­leen Wynne is not dif­fi­cult con­sid­er­ing her low ap­proval rat­ings. Politi­cians crave love and re­spect, not pub­lic scorn.

2. I am sorry, for ex­am­ple, that the premier had to fly to Sud­bury this week to tes­tify at a trail where her for­mer deputy chief of staff and cam­paign man­ager, Pat Sor­bara, and one of her top po­lit­i­cal bag­men, are fac­ing bribery charges to al­legedly fid­dling with a by­elec­tion in the Nickel City. The premier is a busy woman, and this is no doubt an un­nec­es­sary dis­trac­tion.

3. I am sorry that there is a crim­i­nal trial in Toronto that has the two top aides of her en­abler and for­mer premier, Dal­ton McGuinty, fac­ing charges of al­legedly eras­ing in­crim­i­nat­ing emails from the hard drives in her of­fice go­ing back to the bil­lion­dol­lar gas plant scan­dal. Such re­minders of al­leged cor­rup­tion can­not be easy when one is plot­ting re-elec­tion.

4. I am sorry that the premier’s green en­ergy plan didn’t work out, and that tens of thou­sands of On­tar­i­ans had their power cut off in mid­dle of win­ter be­cause they couldn’t pay their hy­dro bills.

5. I am sorry, too, that On­tar­i­ans do not ap­pre­ci­ate the fact that the jacked-up elec­tric­ity costs foisted on them over the last few years thanks to the Lib­eral’s timely in­vest­ments in in­ef­fec­tive and in­ef­fi­cient so­lar en­ergy and wind power. On­tar­i­ans ob­vi­ously don’t un­der­stand sole­sourced free en­ter­prise, and need to be ed­u­cated about the ap­pli­ca­tion of largesse.

6. I am sorry that small busi­ness in On­tario does not ap­pre­ci­ate the premier’s at­tempt to erad­i­cate poverty by rais­ing the min­i­mum wage to $15 an hour, and sorry that no one be­lieves her when she de­nies it will cost 50,000 On­tario jobs.

7. I am sorry that Premier Wynne stands accused of buy­ing the next elec­tion with the prom­ise of free tu­ition and phar­ma­care for young peo­ple who re­ally don’t need phar­ma­care.

8. I am sorry the Premier has a prov­ince with a $312-bil­lion debt, and that my party failed to de­feat her last time around. This time we will try harder, I prom­ise.

9. I am sorry for­mer Premier Dal­ton McGuinty left Premier Wynne so many scan­dals (the list is too long to echo here), and sorry that she was un­able to fix any­thing that had gone wrong. It is not her fault, but the fault of her cab­i­net and un­der­lings, and I apologize for their in­com­pe­tence.

10. And I am sorry for be­ing sorry, but I want the threat of this li­bel suit to go away. I trust that is now clear.

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