Couple’s success makes rest of the family envious

QUESTION: I’m a successful businesswoman in my 40s, happily married to my equally successful husband, and we have two children.

The problem is my siblings. They haven’t achieved the same level of success in their lives. I feel that there’s a lot of resentment towards us because of this.

There are constant little digs at family get-togethers, comments that we spoil our children, that we can afford a big house and go on luxurious holidays.

There’s even the expectation that we should pay more than our fair share for restaurant outings, and for the retirement home expenses for our parents.

Both my husband and I have worked hard to get where we are today. How do we get them to stop giving us a rough time about it? It’s getting so bad that I want to avoid spending any time with them at all.

— Self-Made Couple ANSWER: With such good fortune, even when acquired through hard work, a generous spirit of understanding goes nicely with the territory.

Your siblings envy you. If they had made a fortune and you hadn’t, you might also wish your house was roomier, your vacations more upscale.

Don’t get me wrong, if they had written me with judgmental commentaries on your lifestyle, I wouldn’t respond that it’s acceptable. I’d say, as I do to you: Siblings can do better than this.

In many families where one couple becomes the most prosperous, they often use their gracious home as a gathering point keeping siblings and your children’s cousins closely connected.

Some affluent people regularly open their homes to Thanksgiving celebrations and milestone-birthday parties.

I agree its off-putting to have family members accuse you of spoiling your children, but perhaps, with an inability to indulge their own kids, you can afford to let it pass.

As for the retirement home expenses of your parents, the one thing the older generation needs most at this stage in their lives is security.

A well-run retirement home is the greatest gift you can provide if your parents need to rely on financial support from the children they raised.

If your siblings can only afford so much — and you can afford more — why is that expectation a surprise?

I’m not suggesting you should be more responsible than the others, but and your husband know what you can afford — so maybe you cover some “extras” like the price of new technology for them to use, or the cost of a caregiver, if and when needed.

It would be wrong for your siblings to demand that you give more, but logical if there’s a need of your parents they can’t meet but you can.

This divide between you and your siblings has been allowed to grow into mutual resentment.

Invite them over (socially distanced, preferably outside,), reach out with goodwill and rise above any comments you’d have formerly bristled at.

Show interest in their lives. Focus on positives mentioned.

Envy is born from someone’s personal frustration/discontent with themselves. It’s more about them, than you. All the more reason you can be understanding.

ELLIE’S TIP OF THE DAY Sibling rivalry is common in youngsters. But successful grownups should do better by being generous of spirit.