Man’s de­vo­tion to his fam­ily leaves girl­friend feel­ing lonely

Prince Albert Daily Herald - - OPINION -

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I just moved in to­gether. We have been a cou­ple for seven years. Un­til now, we have lived with our par­ents.

I knew mov­ing in would be a strug­gle for him be­cause he’s very close to his four si­b­lings. Now that we’ve moved in, he calls and video chats with them ev­ery day, vis­its twice a week or more and has sleep­overs. He also leaves work early to take his si­b­lings on field trips or at­tend their sports events.

I’m find­ing it very frus­trat­ing be­ing alone all the time. I have talked to him and ex­pressed my feel­ings about the amount of time he spends with his fam­ily. In my opin­ion, it’s ex­ces­sive, es­pe­cially since nei­ther of his par­ents works.

He asked me to give him time to ad­just, but it has al­ready been a month. This is the man I want to marry one day, but I can’t help but feel like I’m never put first. Please help! -- CON­FOUNDED IN CAL­I­FOR­NIA

DEAR CON­FOUNDED: You and your boyfriend have been liv­ing to­gether a grand to­tal of one month. This is a pe­riod of ad­just­ment for BOTH of you. It’s un­re­al­is­tic to ex­pect your boyfriend -who ap­pears to be tightly bound to his par­ents and si­b­lings -- to in­stantly fo­cus all his at­ten­tion on you.

My ad­vice, and I hope you will heed it, is to de­vote time to your own in­ter­ests and ac­tiv­i­ties so you won’t be so de­pen­dent on him. Give it six months. If things haven’t re­solved in that amount of time, write me again.

DEAR ABBY: I am sin­gle, 33, and have two kids. I have dipped my toe in the dat­ing pool with­out suc­cess. I am not lonely, but I find my­self want­ing a re­la­tion­ship. When I tried dat­ing web­sites, I got a mixed bag of col­or­ful char­ac­ters. When I do find some­one I’m in­ter­ested in, it fiz­zles out quickly.

We start out by mes­sag­ing on the site, then we text each other. The prob­lem I am hav­ing is that these men don’t ask “get to know you ques­tions” or keep up a con­ver­sa­tion at all. If I don’t text first or keep the con­ver­sa­tion go­ing, there’s no com­mu­ni­ca­tion at all. All of them state they want a re­la­tion­ship, but they don’t put forth the ef­fort. I’m not sure what the prob­lem is.

Ev­ery time this hap­pens, I for­get about dat­ing for a while, but it hap­pens again and again. Have any sage ad­vice for me? -- LOOK­ING IN NE­BRASKA

DEAR LOOK­ING: You say you are mes­sag­ing back and forth. After a few days of con­ver­sa­tion, have you sug­gested get­ting to­gether for a cof­fee date? It might pro­vide an op­por­tu­nity to find out more about these men. If you have done that and en­coun­tered re­sis­tance, it might sug­gest you are com­ing on too strong or they aren’t quite as ready as they have ad­ver­tised.

Be­cause there is so much dis­trac­tion and so much choice in on­line dat­ing, per­haps you should con­sider meet­ing men the old-fash­ioned way -- through friends, rel­a­tives or so­cial groups. Meet­ing some­one spe­cial when one least ex­pects it has been known to hap­pen.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www. DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. Good ad­vice for ev­ery­one -- teens to se­niors -- is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To or­der, send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

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