Life’s Like That
MAN OR MACHINE?
I bought a car today, and the dealership had me check off—with a pen, on a paper form—that I’m not a robot.
@MARCIROBIN NIGHTMARES ARE JUST free horror movies that you produce, direct and star in.
AGE OF INNOCENCE
I want to go back to a time when the worst thing people had to deal with was, apparently, being given lemons.
@THEALEXNEVIL OVERHEARD AT A PAINT STORE: CUSTOMER: How much for a gallon of that paint?
CUSTOMER: Do you have a smaller gallon? LOUISE ARRUDA, Bradford, Ont.
Nothing in life can prepare you for how much of a marriage is spent just listening to someone cough.