LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE
EVERY TEN YEARS, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by, and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks long and hard before telling the head monk, “Food bad.” Ten years later, it’s his turn to speak again. This time he says, “Bed hard.” A decade later, it’s the big day again. The man gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.”
“Well, I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”
Submitted by RONALD W. KETCHIE,
Merrimack, New Hampshire
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle
that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish, it says, “Go outside.” Comedian DEMETRI MARTIN
… AND YANG
Outdoors: What you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab. Humorist FRAN LEBOWITZ
A RESTAURANT POSTS a sign that says “We’ll give you $500 if we fail to fill your order.” A cocky customer decides to put the policy to the test by ordering elephant ears on rye.
The waitress takes his order to the kitchen. Seconds later, the owner storms out of the kitchen, goes to the customer’s table, and slams down five hundred-dollar bills.
“You got me,” he tells the customer. “But I want you to know that this is the first time we’ve been out of rye bread.”
“He always gives me such a nice wave.”