Reader's Digest International - - Front Page - Source: rant­

EV­ERY TEN YEARS, the monks in the monastery are al­lowed to break their vow of si­lence to speak two words. Ten years go by, and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks long and hard be­fore telling the head monk, “Food bad.” Ten years later, it’s his turn to speak again. This time he says, “Bed hard.” A decade later, it’s the big day again. The man gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.”

“Well, I’m not sur­prised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been com­plain­ing ever since you got here.”

Submitted by RON­ALD W. KETCHIE,

Mer­ri­mack, New Hamp­shire


I wanna make a jig­saw puz­zle

that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you fin­ish, it says, “Go out­side.” Co­me­dian DEMETRI MARTIN


Out­doors: What you must pass through in or­der to get from your apart­ment into a taxi­cab. Hu­morist FRAN LEBOWITZ

A RESTAU­RANT POSTS a sign that says “We’ll give you $500 if we fail to fill your or­der.” A cocky cus­tomer de­cides to put the pol­icy to the test by or­der­ing ele­phant ears on rye.

The wait­ress takes his or­der to the kitchen. Sec­onds later, the owner storms out of the kitchen, goes to the cus­tomer’s ta­ble, and slams down five hun­dred-dol­lar bills.

“You got me,” he tells the cus­tomer. “But I want you to know that this is the first time we’ve been out of rye bread.”

“He al­ways gives me such a nice wave.”

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