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I CAME HOME TO FIND my hus­band sit­ting on the couch watch­ing


“I thought you were go­ing to mow the lawn,” I said.

“I’m wait­ing on a part,” he replied. “What part is that?”

“The part of me that wants to do it.”

BETH MAD­DEN, Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

STEP­PING UP to the counter at a fast-food restau­rant, I asked for a baked potato with but­ter on the side. With the gusto of some­one newly em­ployed, the teenager tak­ing my or­der asked, “Which side?”

ELIZABETH JONES, Mar­ble Falls, Texas


“She wore the same de­odor­ant as my mother.”

“She pro­nounced it ‘cold slaw.’” “His head was just waaaay too big for his body.”

“She ate her peas one at a time. One at a time!”


AT THE SU­PER­MAR­KET, I searched high and low for canned peanuts,

with no luck. Spot­ting an el­derly clerk stock­ing shelves, I asked, “Where do you hide the nuts?”

Look­ing around, she grum­bled, “I don’t hide them any­where. They’re all over this place.”

JOE BALDIZZONE, New York, New York

WE HAD JUST MOVED to the coun­try from the city when our neigh­bor came by. “Sev­eral of my hogs have got­ten loose,” he said. “Have you seen them?”

My con­cerned hus­band re­sponded, “What do they look like?”

BETSY SMITH, Whitwell, Ten­nessee

“I guess we’ll never know why they beach them­selves.”

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