LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE
THE BEST MEDICINE
I DELETED AN E-MAIL with the subject “three-second joy exercise,” and I think I found a new threesecond joy exercise.
Comedian MARK CHALIFOUX
WHILE IN SURGERY following a heart attack, a middle-aged woman sees a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.
God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”
With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So while in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injected into her lips.
She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambu-
lance and killed.
Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live!” “That’s true,” says God.
“So what happened?”
God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”
SCENE: Two old friends sitting on a park bench
First friend: I got a nice insurance settlement. My house burned down.
Second friend: Funny, I just got a nice insurance settlement. My house flooded.
First friend: How do you start a flood? Submitted by EVELYN PAINTER,
Grants Pass, Oregon
If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, here’s my therapist’s number.
My shrink is not very perceptive. I’ve been in therapy for eight years, and he still thinks I’m there for “a friend.”
Attributed to comedian RONNIE SHAKES
If my psychiatrist said “There’s really nothing more I can do for you,” that means I’m cured, right??
My therapist and I got stuck in the same elevator and pretended we didn’t know each other. Next week’s session writes itself.
@APARNAPKIN (APARNA NANCHERLA)
“You can play dead all you want. We’re still going to see my parents.”