As Kids See It

Reader's Digest International - - Contents -

THE BEST PART OF work­ing from home is hav­ing your five-year-old run in while you’re on a con­fer­ence call and cry, “I ac­ci­den­tally peed in the wrong place!” @BEHINDYOURBACK

MY FOUR-YEAR-OLD GRANDSON, Michael, was taken to emer­gency af­ter a fall that re­sulted in a cut lip. He ended up need­ing stitches. Fol­low­ing the pro­ce­dure, the doc­tor took Michael over to a mir­ror in an at­tempt to re­as­sure him that all was now okay. Upon see­ing his swollen, stitched ap­pear­ance, Michael ex­claimed, “You should have let my grandma do it. She sews bet­ter than you!” MAR­GARET AV­ENUE

I WAS GO­ING THROUGH a photo al­bum with my young daugh­ter and point­ing out fam­ily mem­bers. We

iden­ti­fied her grandpa and her un­cle, and then I pointed to a pic­ture of her. “Who’s that?” I asked.

“That’s me!” my daugh­ter replied. “And who are you?” I pressed, ex­pect­ing her to say her name.

In a hoarse voice, my daugh­ter whis­pered, “I’m Bat­man!”

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GIVE MY SON a lacrosse stick and he’ll dom­i­nate. Give him a broom and ask him to sweep and he’ll act like he’s never held any­thing ever.

@PETRICKSARA

FIVE-YEAR-OLD: I’m not go­ing to have a job.

ME: Where are you go­ing to get money?

FIVE-YEAR-OLD: The ATM.

@MSEMILYMCCOMBS

MY FOUR-YEAR-OLD son was very high-en­ergy: he wasn’t much of a nap­per and nor­mally ran non-stop all day. But one morn­ing he came down­stairs very groggy and un­der the weather, with a fever. Look­ing at me, he com­plained, “My sleep was too small.”

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WHY DO KIDS CRY when you brush their teeth but they can’t feel food on their face? @JIMGAFFIGAN

I DIDN’T CHANGE my last name when I got mar­ried. When my daugh­ter was in Grade 2, her teacher got hitched and took her part­ner’s sur­name. Soon af­ter, my daugh­ter and I had a con­ver­sa­tion about the cus­tom. I asked her if she thought she’d change her name when she got mar­ried. She replied mat­ter-of-factly, “Well that de­pends on what my adult brain thinks about it, doesn’t it?”

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TOOK MY SON FOR WALK. Passed a ceme­tery. Tried to ex­plain. Failed.

“Peo­ple are dead?! Un­der­ground?! Un­der stones?! Open them! Let them out!” @MATTGURNEY

MY DAUGH­TER GETS so pumped watch­ing Dis­ney films. She loves that they all have singing, danc­ing and a part when the par­ents die.

Ac­tor RYAN REYNOLDS

MY TWO-YEAR-OLD SON, Sammy, has been learn­ing to speak. I’ve been try­ing to make sure he learns his man­ners, teach­ing him to say things like “please” and “thank you” and “sorry.” The other day, he was walk­ing around the house and bent over to grab a toy from un­der a ta­ble. When he stood up again, he banged his head. Im­me­di­ately he said to him­self, “Sorry, Sammy!”

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MY FATHER ASKED my three-yearold what she wanted to be when she grew up.

“A pump­kin,” she said. “A big pump­kin.”

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“You al­ways seem a lot taller when I’m in trou­ble.”

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