Childhood chum: She knows your darkest secrets but then you know hers, so she keeps quiet. You hope that she’s forgotten a few things (first cigarette, first kiss, first time you got sloshed). The big problem? She’s in no doubt about your age.
Girlfriend with children: You invite her to come over with her offspring, “so that the kids can play.” Then you tell them, “Come on kids, play nicely together.” But the children of our friends are rarely friends with our children.
Single girlfriend: Don’t pick one who’s too pretty, unless you’re a real risk-taker. When you introduce her to your husband, mention her tricky personality and purulent eczema. Divorced girlfriend: Often down in the dumps, but always up for going to the movies.
Facebook friend: The kind of friend you can unfriend in a single click, who never forgets your birthday and who posts fascinating comments on your wall like, “You’re off on holiday? Some people have all the luck!”
Friend from work: When you see her away from the office, it feels like you’re still at work. Never, ever tell her your salary, even at three in the morning when you’re sozzled.
Long lost girlfriend: When you’re reunited you suddenly remember why you stopped seeing her. You’ve nothing more to say to each other.
Couple friends: When they split up, if you take sides, you lose a friend. If you say, “Well done! He/she’s a monster,” when they get back together, you lose two friends.
Old friend: Only applies to men. Women are more tactfully referred to as “a friend from childhood.”
is a wellknown French humorist.
She lives in Paris.