My Life

Reader's Digest International - - Contents - BY ANNE ROUMANOFF

Child­hood chum: She knows your dark­est se­crets but then you know hers, so she keeps quiet. You hope that she’s for­got­ten a few things (first cig­a­rette, first kiss, first time you got sloshed). The big prob­lem? She’s in no doubt about your age.

Girl­friend with chil­dren: You in­vite her to come over with her off­spring, “so that the kids can play.” Then you tell them, “Come on kids, play nicely to­gether.” But the chil­dren of our friends are rarely friends with our chil­dren.

Sin­gle girl­friend: Don’t pick one who’s too pretty, un­less you’re a real risk-taker. When you in­tro­duce her to your hus­band, men­tion her tricky per­son­al­ity and pu­ru­lent eczema. Divorced girl­friend: Of­ten down in the dumps, but al­ways up for go­ing to the movies.

Face­book friend: The kind of friend you can un­friend in a sin­gle click, who never for­gets your birth­day and who posts fas­ci­nat­ing com­ments on your wall like, “You’re off on hol­i­day? Some peo­ple have all the luck!”

Friend from work: When you see her away from the of­fice, it feels like you’re still at work. Never, ever tell her your salary, even at three in the morn­ing when you’re soz­zled.

Long lost girl­friend: When you’re re­united you sud­denly re­mem­ber why you stopped see­ing her. You’ve noth­ing more to say to each other.

Cou­ple friends: When they split up, if you take sides, you lose a friend. If you say, “Well done! He/she’s a monster,” when they get back to­gether, you lose two friends.

Old friend: Only ap­plies to men. Women are more tact­fully re­ferred to as “a friend from child­hood.”

ANNE ROUMANOFF

is a well­known French hu­morist.

She lives in Paris.

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