LIFE’S LIKE THAT
“It says the cost of the flight went up because we acknowledged its existence.”
MY SIX-YEAR-OLD’S school assignment was to draw a challenge she thought she could overcome. So she drew herself teaching me how to use the TV remote.
MY WIFE SUFFERS the most when rosacea breaks out on my face— after all, she has to look at it. Still, she’s always quick with a kiss and a hug, no matter how awful it gets.
So I told her how thankful I was for the affection. “No problem,” she said. “I close my eyes.”
JIMMIE LYON HARRIS, Spokane Valley, Washington
AT HIS ANNUAL PHYSICAL, my neighbor Jim was asked, “Are you eating plenty of fruits and vegetables?”
“I ate eight apples yesterday,” he said.
“You did?” asked the doctor. “Yes. That’s how many apples it took to make the apple pie.”
ROBERT ARTKOWSKY, Lower Burrell, Pennsylvania
I KNEW IT WOULD NEVER work out between us when he asked if I wanted to split dessert.
DURING A CONFERENCE, my high school principal insulted my
immigrant mother’s English. Mom didn’t get upset. Instead, she smiled politely as she delivered this punch to the gut: “I’m sorry. Sometimes I get English mixed up with the other six languages I speak.”
THE GAME CARD SAID: “Name three wars.” My teenage daughter’s response: “Civil War, Revolutionary War, and Star Wars.”
AMY CASSELLA, Leesburg, Florida