LIFE’S LIKE THAT

“It says the cost of the flight went up be­cause we ac­knowl­edged its ex­is­tence.”

Reader's Digest International - - Front Page -

MY SIX-YEAR-OLD’S school as­sign­ment was to draw a chal­lenge she thought she could over­come. So she drew her­self teach­ing me how to use the TV re­mote.

@MAUGHAMMOM

MY WIFE SUF­FERS the most when rosacea breaks out on my face— af­ter all, she has to look at it. Still, she’s al­ways quick with a kiss and a hug, no mat­ter how aw­ful it gets.

So I told her how thank­ful I was for the af­fec­tion. “No prob­lem,” she said. “I close my eyes.”

JIM­MIE LYON HAR­RIS, Spokane Val­ley, Washington

AT HIS AN­NUAL PHYS­I­CAL, my neigh­bor Jim was asked, “Are you eat­ing plenty of fruits and veg­eta­bles?”

“I ate eight ap­ples yes­ter­day,” he said.

“You did?” asked the doc­tor. “Yes. That’s how many ap­ples it took to make the ap­ple pie.”

ROBERT ARTKOWSKY, Lower Bur­rell, Penn­syl­va­nia

I KNEW IT WOULD NEVER work out be­tween us when he asked if I wanted to split dessert.

@SCBCHBUM

DUR­ING A CON­FER­ENCE, my high school prin­ci­pal in­sulted my

im­mi­grant mother’s English. Mom didn’t get up­set. In­stead, she smiled po­litely as she de­liv­ered this punch to the gut: “I’m sorry. Some­times I get English mixed up with the other six lan­guages I speak.”

Source: red­dit.com

THE GAME CARD SAID: “Name three wars.” My teenage daugh­ter’s re­sponse: “Civil War, Revo­lu­tion­ary War, and Star Wars.”

AMY CASSELLA, Leesburg, Florida

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