Other peo­ple and garbage


Room Magazine - - POETRY -

when i was in the metro i was so wrapped up, so ab­sorbed in salin­ity, like a mol­lusc stuck on a rock—i got off, went up the stairs like all the oth­ers shuf­fling in black coats; i looked up be­cause i sensed you. i saw. a black braid wrapped in a bun on top of her head. the grad­u­ate stu­dent. a night sky coat with so many buck­les dan­gling. eye­brows like comets streak­ing, about to col­lide. mini heart at­tack near the photo booth.

i’m garbage i hear all the girls say­ing these days. i’m garbage while pos­ing slumped over a wa­ter foun­tain. i’m garbage while ly­ing amongst some empty cans in the grass in the park. why al­ways pos­ing? why al­ways garbage? i try to un­der­stand as an out­sider.

i see the grad­u­ate stu­dent pose on the floor in the door frame, ex­tend­ing both into an of­fice and the hall­way, af­ter class, af­ter hours, as her friend takes a cell phone pic­ture as she says lan­guidly, i’m garbage.

i can’t say i know what is go­ing on. it’s in her, this feel­ing, and i have only overheard just one phrase. in the el­e­va­tor with­out press­ing a but­ton i think of the con­trast be­tween garbage and ge­nius.

garbage. garbage. garbage. re­peated, it starts to sound beau­ti­ful. in the 15th cen­tury garbage meant an­i­mal en­trails.

i took a buz­zfeed quiz called what kind of garbage are you? the quiz was writ­ten by a woman.

some­one said, Some­times peo­ple want to go on be­liev­ing they are garbage. i think i un­der­stand. for a week i laid down on the dirty kitchen floor to feel closer to it. no one can pull you out of the can. what are two things you can’t fix?

i’m in­ter­ested in why i keep over­hear­ing women say­ing, i’m garbage. i’m in­ter­ested in this quiz which tells you if you are a pizza box or a crum­pled piece of pa­per or a sty­ro­foam cup. Eileen Myles wrote, Some peo­ple are so sure they aren’t loved they’ll throw them­selves to the task of be­ing hate­ful. or maybe be­ing garbage: un­wanted, use­less, refuse.

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