PAYING IT FORWARD
In an ideal world, teacher Shelby Thompson thought, someone would have a size 24 graduation dress that they’d sell at a discount for her student Rhane Mahingen to wear to the ceremony. And when she put it out on Facebook, the responses came quickly.
A beloved Grade 12 student sat in front of her in Room 119 of Centennial Collegiate, crying and dejected. Shelby Thompson was desperate to help.
ISO Size 24 Grad Dress ... Hi guys, not sure if this is allowed but I have a student from a very low income, single parent family that cannot afford a dress for her graduation. She has overcome so many obstacles this year to even graduate, on top of having many self-confidence issues. She visited the Princess Shop this morning and could not find a dress that fit her. She was in absolute tears when she came back to school, and I want to be able to help her. Please let me know if you have a dress that would work and how much you would be willing to sell it for. Thank you so much! Shelby Thompson, teacher at Centennial Collegiate, on the ‘Stonebridge Buy & Sell’ Facebook group, May 2, 1:21 p.m.
I: THE STUDENT
Rhane Mahingen, 19: “My life has been kind of hard. Not as hard as my mother’s. God bless my mom.”
Shelby Thompson: “At the beginning of the year, student services asked if I would allow a late joiner to choir, which happened to be (Rhane). She was coming in as a fifth-year high school student who had been struggling academically and socially.”
Mahingen has dyslexia. What her schoolmates can finish in a few lessons often takes her hours of extra work away from class. She also battles anxiety and depression. She is the youngest of four sisters and one brother, all raised by their single mother — previously in Prince Albert and now in Saskatoon.
Rhane Mahingen: “My mom knew what it was like to grow up homeless. Some of the kids in P.A. have troubled lives, I know that. One by another, my mom would take in these children and their friends. She worked three jobs to support all of us. I think at one point there were 17 of us in a house. All of us were different ages and had different needs. Some of them would definitely help out. Some would make supper. Some would come home and just watch us because the street we lived on wasn’t really that great of a street, either.”
Shelby Thompson: “Rhane is an amazingly selfless individual with
the biggest heart. She struggled academically due to anxiety and depression. She has a hard time making friends and feeling like she belongs due to this.”
Rhane Mahingen: “It’s not always easy.”
Shelby Thompson: “During the teachers’ prep, subs are supposed to spend time in Room 119, which is a room where struggling learners can go for help and support. Rhane came in and was crying, so I asked her what was wrong. She wouldn’t tell me at first, but with some space I finally found out what happened: she wasn’t able to find a grad dress that fit her that she could afford.”
Rhane Mahingen: “I’m already struggling with things like mental illness. I came in, I wanted to do nothing at all. I wanted to sit there and wallow in my own sadness, but Miss Thompson would not leave me alone no matter how hard I tried.” Shelby Thompson: “I know what it’s like to be like that and to not be able to find something that will work for you, something that doesn’t fit or something that doesn’t look quite right. I knew how hard she’s worked this year.”
At 1:21 p.m. that Tuesday, Thompson posted a 116-word message on the Facebook page that essentially serves as a digital garage sale. In an ideal world, Thompson thought, maybe someone had a dress tucked away in the back of a closet that they’d part with at a discount.
At 1:39 p.m., Kristl Tipton responded: “Id put in 50 dollars towards a dress.” Six minutes later, Kia Frey also responded: “I’ll pitch in too.”
At 2:03 p.m., Angela Laronde-Woodhead shared a string of links for dresses for sale. Moments after that, Amber Rosa tagged Lexi Brown, local owner of Dressed Up. Soon after, a post from Stephanie Barabas: “I would love to pitch in too :) for a dress.” Kaley Berg came across the thread: “I’d like to donate some cash to help her get a dress.”
“Hair and makeup covered?? I’m sure there’s a few stylists and MUA on this page??!” wrote Kim Frank Day.
“I’ll pitch in. This thread restored my faith in people today, and brought me to tears,” wrote Janna Sampson.
Melissa Wyant-Taylor, owner of Le Lash, said she “would be happy to donate hair and makeup if needed!” Tara Colby said she had a royal blue dress with a black belt. Alyssa Goodwin wondered about the size of the teen’s feet.
In just a few hours, nearly four dozen people had offered to help a teacher virtually none of them knew assist a struggling teen none of them had ever seen. Random acts of kindness ...
Kristl Tipton: “I just knew if I started with the offer it would trigger other people as well.”
Lexi Brown: “My mom has four children, plus three step-siblings ... I understand where the affordability comes in.” Martine Sansocy, professional photographer: “I received a message from one of my wedding clients, who had seen the thread. ‘Here’s the dilemma. Would you be willing or would you like to donate a session?’ Yeah, absolutely.” Raquel Payne, co-owner of Hair Hut: “I just thought it was an amazing thing that everyone was willing to help a kid.”
Debbi Hanley: “I think that every girl deserves to have that moment to feel like a princess or feel special.”
Eva Trachenberg, jeweller: “When I saw the post, I’m like, ‘For sure. I’m totally helping any way I can.’ I’m a girl. She’s a girl.”
Shanna Friesen, jeweller: “A lot of us are in a place we are so blessed, we never had those struggles." II: THE RESPONSE The Facebook post reached different people for different reasons.
Martine Sansocy: “I fell into teenage motherhood. I actually was on welfare a few years ago when I first started out. I worked incredibly hard to get off welfare and where I am now. I am a single mom. I totally get the struggles.”
Kristl Tipton: “I see my daughter. To think of her being unable to
experience that, it puts it in per- spective.”
Debbi Hanley: “The fact she’s done this, overcome a lot of obstacles, to graduate, and might not be able to go to her grad, I think that’s what struck me.”
Shanna Friesen: “I know if that was my daughter, or me in that situation, I’d be wanting to pay it forward.”
Kristl Tipton: “As a woman you want to feel special and beautiful on days like that. (Graduation) is one of life’s big milestones. It just signals they’ve passed from being a kid into an adult.”
Eva Trachtenberg: “I’ve been a single mom before. I know what it’s like to be in a difficult situation.”
Debbi Hanley: “You think about your kids in that situation. It changes your perspective 100 per cent.”
Sarah Stade: “To me, $40, $50, I can give that a lot of places. But when you see someone going without, and it’s something so simple, why not? ... To see a kid that already feels like that, to go somewhere and not get a dress that fits her? I think everyone should feel beautiful on their day.”
Mahingen hadn’t seen the Facebook post, knew nothing about what her teacher had done, when Thompson told her they were going shopping.
Rhane Mahingen: “I’m so shocked because people have never helped me that much before, besides my family. It blew me away that someone could do something like that for someone they didn’t know at all.”
Lexi Brown: “She probably tried on 10 dresses here … It made the decision hard. That’s what I was going for.”
Shelby Thompson: “We had the entire store to ourselves. She put time aside just for us. Lexi made Rhane feel like a million bucks.”
Rhane Mahingen: “I’m a big person. I’m not that big, but it’s still hard to find clothes. So finding all these dresses that fit me, and they were all so wonderful, it was ... I can’t put it into words.”
Shelby Thompson: “When we found the dress, the moment was indescribable. It was happy tears. Both of us were crying. When Rhane was getting dressed again, (Lexi) and I had a moment and we were both crying ... Rhane deserved a dress that would make her feel like the absolutely beautiful young woman she is.”
Martine Sansocy: “When everyone else has that, it makes you feel so isolated when you don’t. To give someone that opportunity, to
have something that might even be better ...” Rhane Mahingen: “Every dress was
special.”
Shelby Thompson: “When Lexi told us she was donating the dress, it was a whole other story.”
Lexi Brown: “I don’t want anyone to go through the experience of not having that moment.”
Thompson’s updates on the Facebook page generated more than 200 likes, comments and shares — all in support of a teen none of them knew.
Kristl Tipton: “This made me cry. It made a lot of people happy just to see how many people were willing to step up, just to offer.”
III: GRAD DAY
June 27: The dress Mahingen picked — a flowing, shimmering red gown — will be tailored, using the donated money, to fit her perfectly. She was accessorized with earrings and necklace. She’ll be given a custom-made initialized locket to commemorate her graduation. Shortly after her hair and makeup are professionally done, she’ll have the day captured in a photo shoot. Mahingen is filled with overwhelming gratitude, not just over graduation day but for the support she’s been given to even make it through Grade 12. One example: learning tools provided to her that take into account her dyslexia. Another example: the school treasurer helped cover travel costs so she could attend her first-ever trip with the choir.
Rhane Mahingen: “I don’t know what it is. I’m not really high on self-esteem, but they see something in me that I don’t. For that, I’m really grateful. I wish I could do something to pay them back. I know I will do something to pay it forward in the future.”
Shelby Thompson: “I knew this girl was special. I knew she needed a kick in the pants to get out of high school and to graduate and to be able to go on and be herself, to give the world what she has to give. Because she has so much to offer.”
Rhane Mahingen: “I feel like I’ve given up many times, but I keep coming back in the end because ... I don’t know. I’ve known teachers for the four years I’ve been here off and on — just to see those people’s proud faces as I walk across the stage, that would be enough to make my day.”