Dat­ing vi­o­lence myths and facts

Seaway News - - LIFESTYLE - ABUSE IN­SIGHT

Do you ever do things with some­one that you are not comfortable with be­cause you are “ of­fi­cially” dat­ing? One of the eas­i­est ways to rec­og­nize a healthy re­la­tion­ship is by how you feel about your­self when you are with your date. In a healthy re­la­tion­ship, you feel on top of the world, i n t e l l i g e n t , re­spected; your self-es­teem flour­ishes. In an un­healthy re­la­tion­ship, you are s e l f - c o n s c i o u s, self-crit­i­cal and gen­er­ally anx­ious and un­happy.

The fol­low­ing is a ta­ble of myths and facts re­gard­ing your rights when you date:

If your re­la­tion­ship sounds more like it comes from the “ myths” side, you may want to se­ri­ously think about what you want and de­serve. Never set­tle for sec­ond best; your life may de­pend on it. MYTHS 1. Dat­ing vi­o­lence can’t/ won’t hap­pen to me.

2. By our third date, I must have sex with my date.

3. I have to spend all my so­cial time with my date.

4. Jeal­ousy is a sign of love and pro­tec­tion.

5. You can­not be raped by some­one you are dat­ing.

6. It’s nor­mal for my date to crit­i­cize and make neg­a­tive com­ments about my ap­pear­ance.

7. My date is of­ten mean to me but it will get bet­ter. S( h) e said “ I didn’t mean it.”

8. As we get older our re­la­tion­ship will get bet­ter.

9. S( he) yells at me and some­times hits me be­cause I do stupid things.

10. My date has to know where I am at all times, and gets an­gry when I don’t tell him/ her.

My friends and fam­ily say they don’t like the per­son I’m dat­ing and are afraid of my date, I think they are just en­vi­ous.

11. My date makes all the de­ci­sions about what we do. FACTS 1. Ac­cord­ing to the Pub­lic Health Agency of Canada, dat­ing abuse is a se­ri­ous prob­lem— it can hap­pen to any­one at any time

2. Sex is not a re­quire­ment of dat­ing— it hap­pens at the ap­pro­pri­ate age and when both par­ties freely con­sent. Sex without con­sent is a crime.

3. So­cial time should be di­vided among other peo­ple and in­ter­ests apart from any one per­son. 4. Jeal­ousy is a sign of con­trol. 5. Most women are raped by some­one they know and of­ten while dat­ing.

6. Not healthy and may be a form of emo­tional abuse.

7. Usu­ally if there is any abuse in a re­la­tion­ship it gets worse and of­ten leads to phys­i­cal vi­o­lence.

8. Young peo­ple who en­gage in or are vic­tim­ized by dat­ing vi­o­lence may be at in­creased risk for con­tin­u­ing to in­flict or be vic­tim­ized by vi­o­lence as adults, in their in­ti­mate re­la­tion­ships, mar­riages and fam­ily lives.

9. Dates who use ver­bal or phys­i­cal abuse for any rea­son are choos­ing to com­mu­ni­cate in an un­healthy and danger­ous man­ner— any phys­i­cal vi­o­lence is a crime.

10. This is con­trol­ling be­hav­iour and is not love. Dat­ing does not give any­one “ rights” over an­other per­son. Peo­ple share in­for­ma­tion out of mu­tual love and re­spect.

11. Fear is usu­ally the body’s re­sponse to dan­ger— your friends and fam­ily may be feel­ing some­thing that you don’t want to see. In a healthy re­la­tion­ship, de­ci­sions are dis­cussed and de­cided to­gether whether it is what chan­nel to watch, where to go to eat or whether to get en­gaged

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