Mother’s boyfriend grooms daugh­ter for re­la­tion­ship

Simcoe Reformer - Times-Reformer - - LIFE - AMY DICK­IN­SON

Dear Amy: My girl­friend “Wendy” and I have been liv­ing to­gether for seven years. She has a daugh­ter, “Ariel,” 18, who re­cently grad­u­ated from high school. Ariel and I al­ways got along great, but I liked her more than I liked her mother, and I feel ter­ri­ble about it.

A few years into our re­la­tion­ship, Wendy started ne­glect­ing her health and hy­giene, put on weight, wouldn’t ex­er­cise, and af­ter a while I was no longer at­tracted to her.

All the while, Ariel started to look great, and I couldn’t stop think­ing about her.

I saved all my pas­sions for Wendy, but hon­estly I was think­ing about Ariel the whole time.

Ariel and her mother never got along at all. Her mother was jealous of our re­la­tion­ship.

When Ariel was 15, I sug­gested send­ing her to board­ing school. She loved the school, and I hate to say it, but an­other rea­son I wanted her to go there was be­cause I wanted to have a re­la­tion­ship with her, and I hated my­self for it.

I vis­ited Ariel a few times at school. Wendy was very jealous and suspicious of Ariel for dress­ing provoca­tively.

I was vis­it­ing Ariel at her school right af­ter she turned 18, and she came on to me. Now that she is 18, she’s been telling me that she wants to have sex with me be­fore she goes off to col­lege.

I con­fess, I am al­most ready to take her up on it. I’d be break­ing no laws. If I left Wendy, I wouldn’t suf­fer.

Would it ruin Ariel’s life or cause her trou­ble later on if we have this re­la­tion­ship now? We won’t be liv­ing to­gether or dat­ing, and she’s look­ing for­ward to head­ing out of state to go to col­lege soon, and I ex­pect she’ll be dat­ing a lot when she gets there. — NOT RE­ALLY STEP­DAD Dear Not Re­ally: Yes, I sus­pect that it would ruin “Ariel’s” life and cause her trou­ble later on if you have this re­la­tion­ship now.

But, of course, you have al­ready messed up her life. You have groomed her since child­hood by “lik­ing” her more than her mother. You have also de­stroyed her re­la­tion­ship with her mother by re­ject­ing the mother in favour of the girl.

Even if you would not be break­ing any laws, your be­hav­iour so far has been de­spi­ca­ble. Fur­ther­more, like many sex­ual preda­tors, you blame the vic­tim and ac­cuse her of com­ing on to you.

You say that you hate your­self for feel­ing this way. I hope you will let your con­science guide you now.

Dear Amy: I have a friend whom I’ve known for al­most 25 years. We met at a sin­gles’ week­end in the Catskills.

I got mar­ried four years ago, and she re­cently asked me: “How did you GET your hus­band to marry you?”

She also stated that the only rea­son I said yes to mar­riage was to get him away from his pre­vi­ous girl­friend.

The last meet-up we had with her was a brief en­counter on the board­walk. She ap­proached us and kissed him full on his mouth. Now, my ques­tion is — what would you have said to her af­ter she did this?

I texted her the next day and said, “Not to worry you, but my hus­band is re­cov­er­ing from a her­pes out­break.” Per­haps that was a lit­tle too sub­tle. I be­lieve that she is send­ing me some un­friend­ing sig­nals. What do you think? — LOSS FOR WORDS Dear Loss for Words: I think you two are pretty evenly matched.

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