Preg­nancy news is tinged with loss

Standard-Freeholder (Cornwall) - - ENTERTAINMENT - ASK Amy AMY DICK­IN­SON

Dear Amy: My hus­band and I just found out that I am preg­nant. We weren’t plan­ning this, but now that we’re over the shock we are very happy. This will be the first grand­child for both of our fam­i­lies, and we know our par­ents are go­ing to be thrilled.

How­ever, I’m ner­vous about telling my hus­band’s brother and his wife. They have been try­ing to have a child for more than five years. They’ve suf­fered through fer­til­ity test­ing and IVF, as well as a late-term mis­car­riage. It’s been in­cred­i­bly painful for them and for my hus­band’s whole fam­ily. Their last round of IVF ended only a few months ago, with­out suc­cess.

How can we be sen­si­tive to them in an­nounc­ing and talk­ing about our preg­nancy? — WOR­RIED

Dear Wor­ried: You and your hus­band should email or call this cou­ple to tell them, “We’re let­ting you know be­fore telling other fam­ily mem­bers that we are preg­nant. We are both aware of what you have been through to try to build your fam­ily, and our news is tem­pered by our wish that you weren’t go­ing through this. We know you want the best for us, but we also want you to know that we com­pletely un­der­stand if you want to have some space or are not in­clined to cel­e­brate.”

There is no need to be hush­hush around them. Don’t apol­o­gize for your own good luck. But let them off the hook re­gard­ing baby show­ers, so-called “gen­der re­veals” (please, don’t have one), and any other baby-re­lated hoopla. They might want to par­tic­i­pate, or they might want to keep some dis­tance (pos­si­bly a lit­tle of both). No mat­ter what, you should be un­der­stand­ing and pa­tient.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Canada

© PressReader. All rights reserved.