Gadget Guru
In a desperate attempt to burn off his mince-pie binge, GaGu has gone fitness-mad. He also harps on about ski tech and, um, how you can pee straight
AWhen GaGu was in the SAS, the classic way to prove one’s fitness was to race from one end of a field to the other, pulling a tractor tyre behind you, while one of the lads fired a machine gun at your feet to speed you along. Whoever threw up first lost.
Today, rampant political correctness means machine-gunning friends and relatives as they work out is somehow frowned upon. You couldn’t make it up! There are techy alternatives, however, and they’re suitable for fitness levels from Mo Farah to Mo from EastEnders.
If you’re at the more margarine-munching end of the fitness scale, Jawbone’s ‘Duels’ might fit the bill. You and a pal will both need a Jawbone (the UP2 is £50, jawbone.com). Then, through the wellness bangle’s accompanying app, you can challenge them to a step duel. You get realtime updates on who’s ahead in the ‘walk-off’. Have you cycled up Ben Nevis today? Tough titty – Duels only count steps, and as your foe walked from his sofa to his chip fryer several times while you were cycling, you’re now behind.
Want something more advanced? The MyZone MZ-3 (£130, myzone.org) is a heart-rate monitor with built-in storage, so you needn’t always pair it with your phone, unlike most such devices – just sync later. But the really clever bit is its free app, which rewards effort via Myzone Effort Points, or MEPs. Which is also Members of the European Parliament, confusingly.
Said MEPs are awarded based on how much effort you’re putting in, so if you’re unfit but pushing yourself, perhaps by lifting two eclairs at once to really test those biceps, you’ll score more than a top athlete who’s knocking off a 5k at a leisurely pace. That’s an extreme example, clearly.
This playing-field levelling is genius, and lets you take on pals of just about any fitness level. Though you challenge GaGu at your peril, my friends. He’s a big lad, but he’s not out of shape.
“If you’re at the more margarine-munching end of the fitness scale, Jawbone’s ‘Duels’ might fit the bill”