The sea­son for ro­mance

If you truly be­lieve love can blos­som dur­ing the spring, it can hap­pen, ex­perts say

The Chatham Daily News - - LIFE - JOANNE RICHARD

Love is in the air — es­pe­cially love at first sight.

Ac­cord­ing to a new ElitesSin­gles sur­vey, ro­mance rules with sin­gle men — nearly three out of four be­lieve in love at first sight. Women come in at 61 per cent, with fe­males aged 30-40 the least likely to be­lieve in it. Over­all, 84 per cent of sin­gles aged 18-29 be­lieve in in­stant love, com­pared with 65 per cent of those aged 30 plus.

“When you ex­pe­ri­ence it you know it’s real ... and when it does hap­pen to you, you know that it can’t hap­pen again. It’s way too strong and crazy,” says EliteSin­gles psy­chol­o­gist Salama Ma­rine. “It’s when you’re not look­ing for a part­ner at all and you’re 100 per cent fo­cused on your life, when you least ex­pect it, it will hap­pen to you.”

If you be­lieve it, it is real: 41 per cent of men, ver­sus 29 per cent of women, say they have ex­pe­ri­enced in­stant ro­man­tic love, re­ports a 2014 study.

Re­la­tion­ship ex­pert Ni­cole McCance be­lieves in lust at first sight. “Lust, phys­i­cal at­trac­tion and de­sire can hap­pen at first sight. But love, which is about a deeper con­nec­tion and car­ing, can’t re­ally hap­pen by only ob­serv­ing some­one and not know­ing any­thing about them. How­ever, lust can turn into love with time.”

Turns out that the real thing isn’t based on the in­stant chem­istry, but in­stead on the ac­tual amount of time peo­ple spend to­gether, re­ports a Univer­sity of Texas study.

So in­stead, think love at first meet­ing — that’s what in­creases the sur­vival chances of ini­tial love, says ro­man­tic love ex­pert Aaron BenZe’ev. “Such a meet­ing pro­vides more time to get to know other char­ac­ter­is­tics of the per­son, like wis­dom, wit­ti­ness, and a sense of hu­mour, and to be­come in­volved in ini­tial com­mon ac­tiv­i­ties, such as con­ver­sa­tion.”

He be­lieves that there is love at first sight but not pro­found love at first sight or even in the first five hours — it needs much more time, says Ben-Ze’ev, adding that find­ings conflict whether love at first sight can turn into long-term pro­found love. It can when what you see at first sight the real qual­i­ties of the other per­son. “If it is not, then love will not sur­vive for long, as at­trac­tion is not all you need in longterm pro­found love,” says BenZe’ev, pro­fes­sor at the Univer­sity of Haifa and pres­i­dent of Euro­pean Philo­soph­i­cal So­ci­ety for the Study of Emo­tions.


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