Di­ary of a mad­man

The Citizen-Record (Cumberland) - - COMMUNITY - DougMcCarthy

Hello once again from Five Rock.

Since my last col­umn, I have had many peo­ple ask me how my vinyl sid­ing project is go­ing. I had no idea how many peo­ple en­joyed read­ing about my suf­fer­ing.

Well, in or­der to make their day, I de­cided to keep a run­ning jour­nal of my progress. I will call it, ‘Di­ary of a Mad­man’. I hope Ozzy Os­bourne doesn’t mind me us­ing this, but I feel that, by the time I fin­ish my project, I will have gone com­pletely off the deep end, so the ti­tle seems to fit. Here goes. Mon­day: After sub­mit­ting my col­umn, I de­cided that I couldn’t pro­cras­ti­nate any longer: it was time to start the sid­ing. I be­gan to sort through the pile of odds and ends that I had scav­enged from my un­cle’s old house (not only am I lazy, I’m cheap, too). I found many dif­fer­ent types of odd-look­ing pieces that I re­al­ized I had no idea what they were used for. I piled a few small ex­am­ples in the car, and went back to Dad’s house, where he pro­ceeded to ex­plain how ev­ery bit went to­gether, com­pletely con­fus­ing me in the process. I pre­tended to un­der­stand, and went home in a daze. The only thing I knew for sure was that I had to be­gin by putting on the starter strip at the bot­tom of the wall.

I fig­ured that since Dad had called it a starter strip, it had to go on first. The trou­ble was that the house is old and un­even, which makes the task far more dif­fi­cult than it should be. After some strug­gling and cre­ative car­pen­try, I man­aged to get the first sec­tion on. I was so proud of my­self... un­til I went to put on the next strip, and I couldn’t get it to match up with the first strip.

After a num­ber of tries (and some colour­ful lan­guage) I gave up, re­al­iz­ing that if I didn’t keep my tem­per un­der wraps, I would do more harm than good. This phi­los­o­phy would set the tone for the rest of the week.

Re­mem­brance Day. I spent most of the day­light hours at ser­vices in Parrs­boro and Five Is­lands. Time well spent, in my opin­ion, not only to re­mem­ber our fallen vet­er­ans, but also to avoid the in­evitable ren­o­va­tions.

Back to the grind. Just like Johnny Cash, my motto was, “One Piece at a Time.” I would fight with the sid­ing for an hour or so (that’s what it would take to get one piece on), then I would have to go calm down for a cou­ple of hours. I might get this done by the time I go back to work in June.



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