Diary of a madman
Hello once again from Five Rock.
Since my last column, I have had many people ask me how my vinyl siding project is going. I had no idea how many people enjoyed reading about my suffering.
Well, in order to make their day, I decided to keep a running journal of my progress. I will call it, ‘Diary of a Madman’. I hope Ozzy Osbourne doesn’t mind me using this, but I feel that, by the time I finish my project, I will have gone completely off the deep end, so the title seems to fit. Here goes. Monday: After submitting my column, I decided that I couldn’t procrastinate any longer: it was time to start the siding. I began to sort through the pile of odds and ends that I had scavenged from my uncle’s old house (not only am I lazy, I’m cheap, too). I found many different types of odd-looking pieces that I realized I had no idea what they were used for. I piled a few small examples in the car, and went back to Dad’s house, where he proceeded to explain how every bit went together, completely confusing me in the process. I pretended to understand, and went home in a daze. The only thing I knew for sure was that I had to begin by putting on the starter strip at the bottom of the wall.
I figured that since Dad had called it a starter strip, it had to go on first. The trouble was that the house is old and uneven, which makes the task far more difficult than it should be. After some struggling and creative carpentry, I managed to get the first section on. I was so proud of myself... until I went to put on the next strip, and I couldn’t get it to match up with the first strip.
After a number of tries (and some colourful language) I gave up, realizing that if I didn’t keep my temper under wraps, I would do more harm than good. This philosophy would set the tone for the rest of the week.
Remembrance Day. I spent most of the daylight hours at services in Parrsboro and Five Islands. Time well spent, in my opinion, not only to remember our fallen veterans, but also to avoid the inevitable renovations.
Back to the grind. Just like Johnny Cash, my motto was, “One Piece at a Time.” I would fight with the siding for an hour or so (that’s what it would take to get one piece on), then I would have to go calm down for a couple of hours. I might get this done by the time I go back to work in June.