Wel­come to

The Coast - - ON CAMPUS - BY MOR­GAN MULLIN

this year, the tele­vi­sion land­scape felt bleak, rud­der­less with­out a good teen drama to act as guilty-plea­sure view­ing while we awaited the re­turn of Se­ri­ous Dra­mas like Twin Peaks and Game of Thrones. What a treat, then, when Riverdale landed on the scene—and wasn’t only a guilty plea­sure, but a full-on feast in its own right. Here, we sa­ti­ate our an­tic­i­pa­tion for sea­son two by day­dream­ing which Hal­i­fax univer­sity Riverdale’s core char­ac­ters would at­tend. Good ol’ Amer­i­can boy Archie (and his too-per­fect teeth) spends most of Riverdale’s first sea­son strug­gling with a per­son­al­ity cri­sis: Should he be pur­su­ing foot­ball or music? And while Blan­drews’ prob­lems seem flat com­pared to the quickly splin­ter­ing lives of his peers, they do, in their ba­nal­ity, have a more au­then­ti­cally teen vibe (or at least more fa­mil­iar teen TV territory).

As the in­ter­nal war be­tween artist and ath­lete wages on, An­drews would fit right in at Saint Mary’s Univer­sity. The school’s over-the-top love of all things Huskies is about as close as Hal­i­fax comes to the foot­ball fever of Riverdale High. Off the field, tak­ing some lib­eral arts classes will al­low his in­ner artiste to flour­ish. Maybe Archie can even pick up some busi­ness classes to save his dad’s—let’s face it—very mis­man­aged con­struc­tion com­pany. And re­ally there’s no other fash­ion choice that fits this gin­ger bet­ter than a ma­roon and white SMU let­ter­man jacket.

Yes, Betty’s blonde and sweet and su­per into pale pink, but there’s more to Archie’s BFF than her glit­tery sur­face (and no, we’re not talk­ing about the tired trope of her “dark side” that takes up too much time in sea­son one). She’s ballsy, in­quis­i­tive and has a sense of so­cial jus­tice that guides her to take on in­sti­tu­tions of power. These are all things that’ll make Cooper a tough-as-nails jour­nal­ist, fol­low­ing in the foot­steps of her par­ents and the glass store­front, two-per­son print news­pa­per the Coop­ers ap­par­ently pub­lish. Hell, Betty some­how sin­gle-hand­edly res­ur­rected Riverdale High’s Blue and Gold— in what feels like five min­utes of screen time—and then hired her own mother to work for the stu­dent news­pa­per. All of which means the jour­nal­ism in­dus­try in Riverdale is as con­fus­ing and non­sen­si­cal as in Hal­i­fax. It also means Betty would be given a full schol­ar­ship to at­tend the Univer­sity of King’s Col­lege. She’d no doubt ace ev­ery course in jour­nal­ism school and un­cover the next Water­gate from the roseate con­fines of her child­hood

bed­room.

IL­LUS­TRA­TIONS ERICA MESCHWITZ

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